Wednesday, November 5, 2008

No Explanation

It's 16DPO and still there's no sign of AF. Unfortunately, my test was BFN again. I'm a hormotional wreck, because I actually got my hopes up again, when I swore I wasn't going to do that this cycle. I have no clue why I'm late, because if I was pregnant, surely I would be able to get a positive result at this point. I know that I did O, because of the temperature shift on my chart (which you can see at the bottom of the page) and my LP is never longer than 14 days. I called a group practice in the area to set up an appointment ASAP. At first the lady told me to wait another week and if AF still hasn't shown up then call them, but I was insistent and told her that I know I am late and I need to know that there isn't something wrong. I told her about my past miscarriages and that if I am pregnant that I need to get on progesterone ASAP. I think the fear in my voice convinced her to help me. She set up an appointment for me to see a nurse practitioner next Wednesday and told me to keep testing every couple of days.

I've definitely had more than my share of disappointments and struggles when it comes to TTC and it has all taken a toll on my emotions, but I have to admit that when people tell me "I'm so sorry", etc., it makes it hurt more, for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe it's the thought of someone pitying me. Don't pity me. There's no reason to. I have a wonderful life with an incredible husband. I am loved and cared for. I have a home and I have nice things. I have wonderful family and friends and people that truly care about me. Of course I wish I had children or were pregnant, but don't pity me because I'm not a mother. There are so many people that have children that are miserable (as there are those with children that are happy), so I am grateful for what I have and truly happy in my life. Life isn't perfect, but life is good for me. I don't mean to ramble, but I just want to stop you from telling me you are sorry, because there's nothing to be sorry about. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers on our behalf, but know that when we pray, we are telling the Lord how thankful we are, as well as praying for a child. So, if you pray for us, pray that we may continue to be happy. Thank you all so much for caring enough to read this silly blog and supporting us on this journey.


Anonymous said...

Hey lady. I know you don't know me very well because I'm a lot older than you but I wanted to tell you to keep your head up. I have been married for close to 10 yrs. I've never been on birth control. We wanted to have kids the night we got married. Well, it hasn't happened. I don't know why. My little sisters and my sister in laws even think about sex and they are pregnant. Everyone around me is having babies. I promise you this. It gets easier. I hope and pray that you'll be able to have a baby. I can't do the fertility. It made me bleed and then I was so emotional that it wasn't worth it. We started the adoption process and then it just never felt right so we removed our names. I don't know if it is Heavenly Father blessing me with peace, but I do have a peaceful feeling. I want kids more than anything, but I am like you. I am grateful for my life. I have a beautiful, kind, loving husband that adores me and I him. We get to go on trips whenever we want to. We get to go on date night, whenever we want to. We get to have sex, whenever and wherever we want to. And the list goes on. There will always be people that will make stupid comments. There will always be silly questions asked. I've learned that I just have to forgive those people. I just have to love them inspite of their social retardation. I will never understand why last time I was in Vidor, George Williamson Sr., who I really don't even know, asked me why I don't have any kids. I like to shock people now with my responses. I like to say things like, well as soon as we get a lake house we'll consider having a child. I know it's not nice, but it definitely helps put them in their place and it gives everyone a good laugh.
I will pray for you. Right now I know that you are the best aunt that your nieces and nephews could possibly ask for. Just continue to be that and you know that you'll be the best mom ever when it's time. Like I said, I know I don't know you, but I can completely relate and if you ever want to talk, just let me know. Hugs and Kisses.
Naomi Wright Williams

Carlia said...

I do remember you, pretty well, actually. Thank you so much for telling me about your experience. I've always found it comforting to know that I am not the only one going through this. I completely understand about the stupid questions and comments people make. I usually just wind up telling them that we just haven't been blessed with children yet, but I wish I had the nerve to tell them I'm allergic to babies or something! lol I keep trying to look at the bigger picture and see the possible reasons why we haven't been able to have a child yet, maybe we are supposed to adopt, maybe we are supposed to do IVF because we are supposed to have multiples, maybe I'm supposed to just be content with what I have. Whatever it is, I think we are supposed to learn from this trial. I guess I'm just a slow learner! lol I've been given a priesthood blessing that said that my body will be healed and I will have children and they will serve missions for the church, so I know that it will happen for us. I just wish it would happen now. Anyway, thank you again for commenting on here. Feel free to comment any time. I look forward to hearing from you! Hugs!


I am glad you got an appt. I am glad you have this blog :)

Kelly N said...

Amen sister! I totally understand where you are coming from. I thank the Lord everyday for the wonderful man that I am married to and the life that he has given me. We would love a child of our own, but are at peace with whatever is God's plan. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

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