Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hot Flashes & Motion Sickness...

DON'T MIX!!!! We went with some friends to the Hershey factory today and they drove. That meant I was in the back seat, which is a no-no for me, because it will always, without fail, cause me to have motion sickness. To top it off, I was having hot flashes with only about 10 minute intervals the entire way. This was a 2 hour drive each way, mind you. B was so sweet, though, because he was sitting up front and offered to switch seats with me when we stopped for lunch. That made a world of difference! Thanks to his generosity, I was suffering from hot flashes the rest of the trip minus the motion sickness. So, here I sit, the day after I finished taking my Clomid, having a several hot flashes a day and a bit of dizziness here and there, but it's all worth it.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The New Doctor's Office

I went to "interview" an OB/GYN practice that I'm hoping to be treated at. It went really well! I spoke with a nurse practitioner and told her my entire history, pretty much. She took a lot of notes, asked a few questions, then said, "Well, I think 6 years is long enough. Let's not put it off any more. Let's get you pregnant. I'm going to refer you to an RE that we've been working with for years. You're going to love them!" So, that's what she did. She gave me their pamphlet and told me that she wants to see me as soon as they get me preggo. She did say one thing that made me feel confident in her abilities (mostly because it coincides with my thoughts on the matter). She said that it sounds like the best treatment for us would be IUI. That's exactly what B's Urologist said and what B and I have been wanting to do. Of course the RE will have to run tests to make sure it's not a waste of time and money to do it, but I hope the RE will agree with us that an IUI is the best option. In my mind, it's the best option for our pocketbook, as well!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Round 3

AF finally showed up today. I did my grieving yesterday, so I was actually pleased to see her. I am still going to keep my appointment for next Wednesday so I can determine if that is the practice I want to be treated at. Hopefully it will go well, so I don't waste a lot of time trying out different doctors. So, on to Round 3 of Clomid (100mg). Last month wasn't too bad, side effects-wise, so I'm not too worried about this month. Wouldn't it be nice if this was my last month of taking it? Fingers are crossed.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

No Explanation

It's 16DPO and still there's no sign of AF. Unfortunately, my test was BFN again. I'm a hormotional wreck, because I actually got my hopes up again, when I swore I wasn't going to do that this cycle. I have no clue why I'm late, because if I was pregnant, surely I would be able to get a positive result at this point. I know that I did O, because of the temperature shift on my chart (which you can see at the bottom of the page) and my LP is never longer than 14 days. I called a group practice in the area to set up an appointment ASAP. At first the lady told me to wait another week and if AF still hasn't shown up then call them, but I was insistent and told her that I know I am late and I need to know that there isn't something wrong. I told her about my past miscarriages and that if I am pregnant that I need to get on progesterone ASAP. I think the fear in my voice convinced her to help me. She set up an appointment for me to see a nurse practitioner next Wednesday and told me to keep testing every couple of days.

I've definitely had more than my share of disappointments and struggles when it comes to TTC and it has all taken a toll on my emotions, but I have to admit that when people tell me "I'm so sorry", etc., it makes it hurt more, for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe it's the thought of someone pitying me. Don't pity me. There's no reason to. I have a wonderful life with an incredible husband. I am loved and cared for. I have a home and I have nice things. I have wonderful family and friends and people that truly care about me. Of course I wish I had children or were pregnant, but don't pity me because I'm not a mother. There are so many people that have children that are miserable (as there are those with children that are happy), so I am grateful for what I have and truly happy in my life. Life isn't perfect, but life is good for me. I don't mean to ramble, but I just want to stop you from telling me you are sorry, because there's nothing to be sorry about. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers on our behalf, but know that when we pray, we are telling the Lord how thankful we are, as well as praying for a child. So, if you pray for us, pray that we may continue to be happy. Thank you all so much for caring enough to read this silly blog and supporting us on this journey.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

15DPO

Well, AF is officially late. She hasn't shown up today and it doesn't feel like she is coming. I didn't test today, but if she doesn't show tomorrow, I will test then.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Testing Day

Today is 14DPO with no sign of AF, so, of course, I tested. I didn't really want to, but I felt a bit of pressure to, since FF said that it was Testing Day. Well, I POAS and, surprise, surprise, it was a BFN. Shocking, huh? Well, my temp is still up and my cramps seem to be completely gone. If AF doesn't show up in the morning, I'll test again. Last cycle she came on 15DPO, so I'm expecting her tomorrow.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Reasons Why I'm NOT Getting My Hopes Up

AF is due tomorrow, which makes tomorrow Testing Day if she doesn't show her ugly face. This 2WW has been utter torture. It has been the longest two weeks ever! I know I should be getting anxious and excited to test, but I can't say that I am optimistic at all. I know my chart looks pretty good, but I can't seem to accept that there's a possibility this month. So, in true pessimistic fashion, here is my list of reasons why I'm not getting my hopes up this cycle:

  1. My jump in temp this morning is probably just due to the Daylight Savings that occurred today. Basically, it's as if I had taken my temperature an hour late, in which case it would have been higher anyway.
  2. My breasts don't hurt any more than they usually do during my LP.
  3. My fatigue is probably due to poor nutrition or anemia or hypoglycemia or something like that.
  4. My progesterone level is probably too low to make conception possible.
  5. After all these years of trying, it's not a possibility of a BFN; it's a probability.

So, bah humbug to POAS. Sorry for being a Debbie Downer, but it's safer to assume the worst than not in my case.
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