Tuesday, December 28, 2010
i haven't posted in a while, mostly because there hasn't been much to post about. the BC was a bust. after a few cycles, i got off it only to be stuck with a 2 month lapse in seeing AF. i was so relieved to have her surprised me on december 7th. i don't think i've ever been so happy to see her before! it was just good to know that even if my body isn't working properly, at least it's trying. with a break from school and my 30th b-day looming ahead, i've decided it's time to get going. my clock is ticking so loudly that it's all i hear some days. i have an appt with my ob/gyn on monday to get my referral to the fertility clinic, which i have an appt with the following monday. i have a whole slew of tests ahead of me, followed by whatever procedures they deem necessary. the nerves are setting in...bad. i'm scared. really scared. i'm scared of the pain and discomfort that comes with the tests and procedures. i'm scared of miscarrying again. i'm scared that it won't work. i'm scared that it will work. do i really know what i'm getting myself into? am i ready to be a mom? am i even going to be a good mother? every time i think about what lies ahead, my stomach becomes tangled with fluttering butterflies. i've even come close to tears a few times from the fear, excitement, hope, expectation, and love for the sweet little spirits that have been awaiting this decision. what the future holds in store for me, i have no idea, but i know that this is a path i need to travel.
cleverly communicated by Carlia at 9:24 AM