she certainly took her time, but she finally made her appearance today. she's kind of light, but that's the way she's been for the past year and a half. i really shouldn't complain, especially since i haven't had any cramps and she rarely stays more than a few days.
so, what happens next? i have an appointment for friday morning before work for blood work and an ultrasound, as well as to get my scrip for the clomid.
i can't believe we're to this point. i can't believe that we're about to actually start this. i'm so excited and nervous and freaking scared out of my mind!
i'm not sure why i'm scared, though. i can't quite put my finger on it. at first i thought i was afraid of it not working. yeah, that sends a little shiver up my spine, but that's not it. then i thought i was afraid of what the hormones will do to me. that will definitely be uncomfortable, but still not it. i finally figured it out. i'm afraid of the unknown. sounds so cliche, but there you have it. i have no idea what to expect during this cycle. i have no idea what the procedure is going to be like. i have no idea how i'll handle a BFN and i certainly don't know what i'll do if i get a BFP!
i have no idea how to be a parent. the whole point of this is not the pregnancy, though i do look forward to the experience; the point is to have a child. what am i doing? what am i getting myself into? my life could be permanently altered after this cycle. i love my life. i love my husband and the time we have together. i love my job and my routine.
right now, i just need B to give me a big hug, tease me out of my hormotional funk, and tell me how excited he is to do this. it makes such a difference to know that he's as on board as i am! in the meantime, i'm going to enjoy being in my comfort zone for as long as i can.