Monday, April 11, 2011
it started out that people would ask why we don't have kids and i would say, "well, we've been trying for a while, but it just hasn't happened for us yet." somewhere along the way the word "infertility" got thrown into the mix and there was no turning back.
i don't mind people knowing my business, though. in my mind, it's better they know the truth than label me selfish, self-centered, or anti-kids. i would rather they think that there's something wrong with me physically than mentally or emotionally. i would rather people know of my desperate longing for children than to assume that i've chosen myself over having a family.
i understand why many women who share my plight suffer in silence, as it is a very personal struggle and having so many people watching to see if you finally get knocked up can put unnecessary pressure on you. of course, there is also the judgment that comes from those who think you should just adopt.
i get that everyone has their opinion and i get that some people don't want to share their struggle with others (i don't judge), but, for me, i love being able to talk about it. it's my therapy; it keeps me sane. if i couldn't talk about it, i think it would eat me up inside! i love having such a huge support system. i love knowing that so many people care. sure, the audience makes it doubly hard to announce the BFNs, but knowing that i've got so many cheerleaders, so many prayers going up on our behalf, so many words of encouragement...it all just makes it so much easier to stay positive.
i think that it is because of all of the support i receive from family and friends that i have been able to accept that our first IUI was a failure. no, not a failure. as my sister said to me the day before the beta, whatever the outcome, it is progress. such a great reminder!
B calls me the queen of TMI. he used to be embarrassed by how casually i used the words sperm and uterus. i am proud to announce that i have rubbed off on him! last night, during his weekly call to his parents, i heard him use both words while talking to his dad about the IUI procedures. ha ha! i could just picture his dad cringing on the other end of the line.
it's so nice to be able to look all around us, online and in our everyday lives, and see nothing but support and love. thank you for all of the wonderful comments you have made on here and in person. thank you for your prayers, crossed fingers, and words of encouragement. thank you for caring about us and our journey. oh, and thanks for brightening our weekend with all of the new BFN definitions! ;) B and i had a good laugh over those. laughter is the best medicine and you all made us feel so much better. thank you!
cleverly communicated by Carlia at 4:45 PM