if this is how the entire pregnancy is going to be (should it even continue on), it's going to be extremely exhausting.
i cried...a lot. okay, maybe it was more of uncontrollable sobbing, but i've only got so many tears in me...plus, i've been expecting this pregnancy to end at any moment. so, what did i do? i told myself (yes, i do talk to myself out loud) i had two choices. #1: i could wallow in self-pity and be miserable the entire weekend, wasting what little time i have with my husband. #2: i could accept the fact that there is nothing i can do to prevent a miscarriage, get dressed up and put on make-up, and go pick up my husband from the airport and make the most of our weekend. i chose #2.
as i was finishing up my make-up casey, my nurse, called with the hcg results. not quite double, but definitely still rising, up to 329. i told her about the spotting and cramping and she said that it's possible that it's the beginning of a miscarriage, but more than likely it was from the ultrasound. (the tech had been pretty rough. i think she was nervous having the RE looking over her shoulder.) she told me to just take it easy and come back in monday morning to do it all over again. that conversation made me feel much better, but i still kept my guard up.
a few hours and a few tylenol later, the cramping had completely subsided, but the spotting started back up, bright red this time. as of this morning, i'm still spotting off and on with slight cramping, mostly on my right, that creeps up every now and then.
i'm holding up really well, though. i have a busy weekend ahead of me, with a photo shoot this evening, followed by a fun double date to go see pirates of the caribbean and i'm not going to let this get me down. i have no idea what's going on right now and there's nothing i can do about it, so i'm going to stay positive, trust that whatever happens is for our good, and go have fun.
so, happy ICLW to everyone and a huge thank you to everyone for your amazingly sweet and encouraging comments. i feel so loved!