i know it must seem like i abandoned you all, and maybe even scared a few of you, with my absence. i truly apologize for that! i have a really good reason for going MIA, though. well, i have a few, actually.
reason #1: my sister and her family decided to come visit for a while. i love having them here!!! especially my little nephew. you may recall my previous post about little E. he is just as hilarious as ever.
reason #2: we moved! the perfect house pretty much fell into our laps and we had to act fast. hence, a really quick move which kept me away from the computer for way too long.
reason #3: i cancelled my IVF cycle. now, before you freak out, i have to make a confession. i kept a teensey-weensey detail out of my blogging. B and i actually skipped ahead a few steps earlier in the year, before we jumped into trying to knock me up. it's been so long and we want a baby so badly and my body just hasn't wanted to cooperate, so...we took a leap of faith and doubled up on our efforts to have a baby by going the surrogate route, as well as pursuing trying to impregnate me.
yeah, i know that came outta left field right there, so take a minute to pick your jaw up off the floor and process all this, because there's more.
so, we didn't really expect anything to come of it, not with our luck, at least, and we didn't want to really open ourselves up to any of the questions or criticism that often accompany surrogacy. therefore, i left it out of my blog.
well, as you probably guessed, something did come of it. after getting paired with a surrogate we felt comfortable with, our little freezer babies were transferred at about the same time as my second IUI. we were both pregnant and we were so hopeful that we would get to have "twins". with all that happened with my miscarriage, it just never felt like the right time to share the news of our other pregnancy.
it was really difficult to deal with the conflicting emotions of our loss and our gain. i felt guilty for feeling so distraught when i knew that we still had a baby on the way and i felt guilty for feeling excited about our little blessing when i should be grieving the loss of our child.
hoping to lighten the load on my mind, we had planned to see how things went with the pregnancy and to go ahead with IVF, not putting all of our eggs in either basket. however, just before i was supposed to start my cycle and with things progressing with the pregnancy, i had a bit of a freak-out moment at the beginning of august. back-to-back babies! that's all i could think about. what would i do if i had two babies a few months apart?!? i would be completely overwhelmed, that's what i'd do. needless to say, i cancelled the cycle and decided to focus on our impending delivery from the stork.
i feel good about this decision and B has backed me up all the way. the plan now is that we welcome this baby and a few months later go forward with the IVF.
i'm sure this is all confusing and you must have countless questions, but this is a very sensitive topic. we really don't want this experience to be about the surrogacy. we only want to focus on the baby, so i ask that you please respect our privacy by not asking questions about anything surrogacy-related. it's important to us that this be treated just like any other pregnancy, as if i were the one carrying this child. don't get me wrong, i have no regrets about going this route and no embarrassment about needing to use a surrogate. i just want to be treated like any other expecting mommy.
so, that's the end of talking about the surrogacy...and the beginning of talking about all things baby!
as of right now, we are at 23 weeks, due january 9, 2012 and we are pleased to announce that this baby is definitely a...
isn't he beautiful?
i also wanted to thank all of you who commented/emailed me to see how i was doing. it means so much to me to know that so many people care about me. i have the best readers and the best friends!!!