Saturday, April 30, 2011

Favorite Posts: Part 2

here's another oldie, but goodie...

enjoying the ride

i feel so full of hope today and i'm so excited about what's to come. of course, when i really think about it all, my stomach does flip flops, my head starts to spin, and my palms get all sweaty, but i think it's more from excited nerves than anything else.

i'm feeling a little reminiscent today, as well. i was doing my usual blog-stalking of other infertiles out there when i was reminded of some of the odd things i've done in an effort to increase my fertility. my favorite story would have to be the time we were visiting my BIL and his family in jacksonville, florida. this was about a year after our first miscarriage, which was still haunting me (still does) in a major way. all i could talk about was getting preggo. actually, all i could think about was getting preggo. my SIL, who has had 3 kids with no problems and loves being preggo (just doesn't want any more kids) was thoroughly encouraging me in my obsession. we all drove down to st. augustine for a little shopping at the outlets and the entire ride was filled with this continued dialogue. as most of you know, there is a ripley's believe it or not museum in st. augustine. we weren't planning on going there, but we were driving right past it. remembering that we would be right by it, my SIL excitedly told me about the two statues that guarded the entrance to the museum. she had heard that they were fertility statues and all you had to do was touch one of them. i laughed it off, but secretly hoped it was true. we happened to be stopped at a traffic light right by the museum and i could see them standing there on either side of the gate. they seemed a little ferocious looking to be fertility statues, but i thought "what the heck!" well, that and my SIL practically pushed me out of the car. my heart was racing with the excitement as i ran to them. being rather timid by nature, this was full-on thrill-seeking for me! i pushed my way past the people on the sidewalk in pursuit of just one touch before the light turned to green. i finally made it! i slapped both hands on the belly of a vicious looking guard, sword raised over his head just as the light changed and the people behind our car starting honking impatiently. i frantically retreated to the safety of the car where i was greeted by laughter at my superstitiousness (is that a word?). as it has been 5 years and i still don't have a child, you can guess that it didn't work. the best part of the story, though, is that as i was googling pics of the statues, i learned that those scary statues were the wrong ones! my SIL had confused them with the pair of friendly, south american-looking statues on exhibit in the museum. boy, do i feel gullible! how could i confuse these
statues for these
statues? that's about par for the course, though. :)

Friday, April 29, 2011

Favorite Posts: Part 1

since i'll be out of town all weekend, i didn't want to leave y'all completely bored and missing me. ;) so, i decided to republish a few of my favorite posts.

top 10 reasons why women with PCOS have it made

since getting my diagnosis, i've been a little bummed. you never want to hear that there is something wrong with you, regardless of the fact that "it could be much worse". (if i have to hear that one more time...) i really needed to see a silver lining or two to this cloud so, in an effort to cheer myself up, and anyone else with PCOS, here's a list of the top 10 reasons why women with PCOS have it made:

10. no need to schedule things around AF, because she probably won't show up anyway.
9. since she doesn't show up, it makes you wonder if you could actually be preggo. you buy a case of HPTs and get to work. you've just done your part to help the economy!
8. acne is completely underrated! you're 35, but those zits make you look 17 again.
7. it takes the worry out of "accidental pregnancies". no need for BCP! you are your own form of contraceptive!
6. with that newly deepened voice, you can change your career to become a lounge singer. everyone loves to listen to a woman who sounds like a man.
5. sure your boobs are shrinking, but now bras are optional!
4. your efforts to get preggo lead you to an RE, AI, IUI, and even IVF. yeah, you're spending a small fortune (your life's savings), but once again, you're single-handedly fixing the economy (and learning lots of cool acronyms)!
3. that new chunk of hair that has fallen out is sure to be the latest trend. everyone wants male pattern baldness now, even women. bald is beautiful!
2. all that extra weight you're carrying may be heavy, but think of it as extra padding in case of an accident. *CRASH* look at that! your fat just saved your life!

and the number 1 reason is...

1. thanks to your new mustache and beard, you've got a new side job. you've turned your cubicle into a sideshow booth, because people will pay anything to see the bearded lady.

how's that for a silver lining?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lucky Me!

i've never been accused of being lucky before. in fact, my kind of luck goes something along the lines of what's going on this weekend:

we're headed to the beach in the morning. it was supposed to be a trip for me to be able to run the half marathon i started training for at the end of december. that was, until my RE told me no more running. from the time of the trigger shot to the beta i can do anything that doesn't bounce me, which rules out the one thing i was training to do! the best part is that i already paid for the non-refundable race. oh well. at least i'll get my t-shirt and a little vacation out of it, since we already rented a condo for the weekend. plus, my 2 best friends are running it, so we can hang out with them and their other halves as well as root for them while they show me up. ;)

however...i'm hoping that i'm seeing signs that my luck is changing. what signs am i seeing, you ask? well, for starters, the way everything finally came together for us to be able to do the IUI. that's sign #1. sign #2 is that i won 2 (not one, but two!) give-aways back to back recently. how is that even possible? i never win anything! i can't even tell you how many give-aways i've entered, it's got to be somewhere in the hundreds range, but nothing, nada, zip. then, all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, i won two? yay me!

the first was from miss mac. it was an absolutely precious vera bradley binder clip & pocket notebooks set. love, love, love it! (i hope to be able to mark OB appts and note my pregnancy symptoms in the notebooks soon. ;) )

the second was from foxy. this time i got to choose a fertility bracelet from bloomingtastic on etsy. her stuff is adorable and i'm totally in love with the bracelet i chose. (hopefully the fertility enhancing stones will work their magic on my lady bits!)

thank you two so much for doing the give-aways (and for choosing such fabulous prizes)!!! they are both amazing bloggers and i'm totally addicted to reading their posts. if you haven't visited them yet, you are seriously missing out. so, get your buns over there and follow them! :)

while i try not to put too much stock in luck, seeing fortuitous things happening in my life, whether big or small, really gives me hope. plus, now i can't help but cross my fingers, wish on stars, and knock on wood. this luck things is becoming a compulsion!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

A Consolation Prize

i dropped the ball. i have no idea where my brain has been the past few weeks, but it certainly wasn't in my head.

today was supposed to be hero humpday, but i totally spaced and forgot to respond to this week's winner to coordinate the post info a couple of weeks ago. for some reason, i thought i had, so i went into my email last night to retrieve it and get started on her award post, but nnnoooooo... it wasn't in there. why? because i'm an idiot. so, to our winner and to all of you supporters out there, i apologize.

i need to make it up to you all, so as soon as i publish this post i am going to get back to the task at hand, which is (drumroll, please)... making a little somethin'-somethin' for a give-away! i'm not going to tell you what it is yet, but i will let you in on 2 things about it. 1. it is a little sampling of my style. 2. it is the only the beginning. i have been in creative overdrive and have put together a list of seriously 30 ideas for future give-aways. i am so stinking excited to get going with all of them, so stay tuned to see what it is!

and back to our cycle...i am 1dpiui. the procedure went well and i am currently loathing enjoying my progesterone suppositories. thank you so much for all of the support, encouragement, and well wishes we've received these past 2 cycles! i am constantly amazed by how incredible the IF community is. here i am, a complete stranger, and yet all of you are there for me. every comment i receive means so much to me. thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

now, the next dilemma we have in store for us is how do i get through the next 2 weeks without obsessing over every little twinge and twitch?!? i think i'm going to use this time to work on current & future give-aways, as well as give all of you out there in blog-land a virtual tour of my home! what better way to get to know someone than to see there home, their style, and their random crap? (just pretend you're excited) ;)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Yup, I'm Stylish

i have to admit that i've been wanting this award. i don't even know if it means the blog is stylish or the blogger is stylish, but either way i'll take it! ;)

thanks so much to baby hopes over at chasing our stork for nominating me!!!

so, here's how it works:
  • snatch the image.
  • link back the person who gave you the award.
  • share 7 things about myself
  • award 10 other bloggers and contact them so they know they’ve won.
my seven things:
  1. i am married to a giant. if i stand up really straight, i can pass for 5'5", but that's still over a foot shorter than B, who is 6'9". i love being able to wear heels without worrying about being taller than the hubby!
  2. my eyes change colors. sometimes they're blue, other times they're green, and occasionally they even look grey. i'm like an optical chameleon! ;)
  3. i work for the county library system, but i'm not a librarian. (still a huge nerd, though!) i work in the public relations department as a graphic designer. i create the signs, etc. for the programs that take place at the different library branches throughout the county.
  4. 7 and 11 are my lucky numbers. i don't really believe in lucky numbers, but these two numbers seem to follow me around. i am the 7th of 11 kids, i was born in the 7th month, and i weighed 7lb 11oz when i was born. weird, huh?
  5. since B has been living in rhode island, i've discovered something about myself... wait for it...i am a bed hog. it's true. when i'm the only one in the bed, i sleep sprawled out right in the middle. shocking, isn't it?!?
  6. i rarely win disagreements with B. he is so calm and eloquent, even when he's furious. i, on the other hand, get all tongue tied and can't keep my train of thought together. so, i usually just cave in and agree with him/apologize (depending on the situation) just to get me out of having to have a battle of words that i am sure to lose.
  7. i have a closeted desire to become a writer. i have all these ideas swirling around in my head that need to be written down, ideas for plots, characters, fictional worlds... but i don't want to write anything really sappy, rather exciting and funny with characters you can relate to and feel for. someday, maybe...
now, for my nominees (in no particular order):
  1. jen at the chronicles of violetta margarita
  2. sarah at baby talk
  3. andrea at palm trees & rainy days
  4. B- at not exactly what i had planned...
  5. lindsay at waiting for that positive
  6. marianne at the daily miracle
  7. foxy at someday
  8. clewis at baby on my mind
  9. maria at mission: fertile soul
  10. amanda at our fertility journey
 thank you so much to baby hopes for this award!!!

now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go get knocked up. ;)

    Sunday, April 24, 2011

    Averting Disaster

    whew! that was a close one! this morning, B went to check in for his flight tomorrow morning and realized that he had confused it with next weekend's flight arrangements. EEK! his actual flight was supposed to leave at 8 pm tonight! holy hyperventilation, batman! no frozen sperm, no frozen sperm...that's what was running through my mind. (sounds totally sick and twisted now that i think back on that.)

    of course, we realized this on our way to the rockville clinic. i started to freak out that we were going to have to cancel this cycle, because at the soonest we would be able to do the IUI on tuesday and with no little soldiers on ice there would be no reason to trigger at all. we decided to just go to the appointment, see where we were at with my follies and hormone levels, and figure out a solution, even if that involved canceling the cycle.

    i had a different tech today and i really liked her. she told me not to worry about the follicle shrinking yesterday and that everything looked to still be right on track. my lining went up to 8.1, my 17mm follie on my left grew to 18.6, the 15 on my right is up to a 17.2, the 15 on my left stayed about the same and my estrogen jumped back up to 598.

    after the scan, we sat down with one of the nurses to go over everything. she said that, considering the size of my follies, she expected me to be able to trigger today and that we should be doing the IUI on tuesday. we asked about the freezing, whether it would be worth it to reschedule his flight for tomorrow so that he could still do the deposit tomorrow. she explained that motility and count tends to go down when you freeze and that we could do it, but fresh would be better.

    B and i talked after i got the call that we have the go ahead to trigger and came to the conclusion that with that info and the cost of $250 to freeze it, as well as the cost of changing his flight, it would be more cost effective and we would have a better chance of this all working if we just changed his flight to tuesday (having him work from home) so that he would be here for the big event. so...i get 2 extra days with B and i get to have him here for the IUI! YAY!!!

    oh, and by the way, happy easter!
    not sure why, but i find this pic rather disturbing. :)

    Saturday, April 23, 2011

    Egg Hunt

    no hunting for easter eggs this year. instead, we're looking for a different kind of eggs!

    this morning's appointment didn't go as well as i had hoped. i had to drive all the way down to rockville (an hour away), because my local clinic isn't open on the weekends. i really don't like going to that clinic, because they are way too crowded (which i understand, because it's one of the only ones open on the weekends) and the staff just aren't quite as friendly as they are at my usual clinic.

    the results were kind of disappointing, too. of the 4 follies i have, the 12 shrunk down to a 10, two of the 15's are still 15's and the other 15 grew to a 17. not too bad, but not what i was hoping for. also, my lining measured at 8.8 yesterday, but today it measured at 7.3 and my estrogen dropped from about 490 to down to about 350. is it normal for my lining to thin out or could it have been a miscalculation due to the fact that it was two different u/s techs doing the measurements? i'm so confused and disheartened. i hope this isn't a bad sign.

    in other bad news, since we aren't doing the IUI tomorrow, like we had hoped, B won't be here for it. that's bad, but it's not the worst part. we don't have any swimmers frozen. not good. terrible. worst case scenario. i called the rockville office, where they do the freezing, to see if by chance he could make a deposit this weekend. no dice. they're way too booked and don't have the staff available to do any freezing on the weekends. luckily, B's flight back to the island of rhode is at 7:30 am, which happens to be the time the clinic said i can drop off his little guys, and a really awesome friend of ours offered to take him to the airport so i can make the delivery. we only have a two hour window for him to produce and to get it to the clinic to be washed and frozen, so with all of this having to be so perfectly orchestrated, my head is spinning!

    on top of that, insurance doesn't cover the freezing, so that's $250 out of our pockets. don't think i'm complaining, because i know how truly blessed we are that insurance is paying for pretty much everything else. we just didn't expect to have to pay it, especially now that we're having to pay for completely separate living situations for B and myself.

    the good news is that when i was looking into whether or not the freezing was covered, i found out that they've changed our coverage to include another try at IVF per live birth. so, rather than having only 3 tries, we have four! there's my silver lining. :)

    Friday, April 22, 2011

    If Only Life Were Like TV...

    with B gone and all of our shows on the tivo being saved for when he gets home on the weekends, i'm left with little else to watch on the hundreds of channels we have. why is it that with so many channels there is still nothing good on TV? sorry, i digress...

    yesterday, after an excellent yoga class, i flipped on the TV and started surfing. an old rerun of the king of queens came on, which was a far better choice than any of the other shows. it was an episode i had seen before, years ago, but that was before we started the fertility treatments. let me tell you, knowing what i know now made a huge difference in what i paid attention to in the episode.

    in this particular episode, doug (kevin james) and carrie (leah remini) decided to pursue help in the baby-making department. they had had a miscarriage a few months before and had been having trouble getting pregnant since. the episode starts out with her holding a pee stick, waiting for the results, which of course was negative. she then tells doug that they need to see a specialist. he doesn't want to, but she calls anyway only to be told that there's a long wait to get an appointment. then, miraculously, there's a sudden cancellation and they're able to get in that afternoon! oh, what luck!

    later it shows them in with the RE (jane lynch) who tells them something along the lines of "we ran all the tests this afternoon and doug's numbers are great, but you, carrie, only have one good ovary. the good news, however, is that you are ovulating right now on the good side!" yay! they can go home and baby-dance the night away!

    wait just a second,, you're telling me that she hasn't had her period (why else would she pee on a stick?), got all of her testing done within a couple of hours (so much for CD3 bloodwork, CD12 ultrasounds, etc!), got her diagnosis right away, and just happens to be ovulating, even though she hasn't had a period? seriously? if only it were that easy!!!

    i appreciate that this sitcom tried to shine a spotlight on infertility, i really do, but couldn't they have made it just the tiniest bit realistic? they had to know we'd notice how contrived and far-fetched it all was. why can't we see shows where real people (not celebrities like giuliana rancic, where half the crap is probably scripted) battle infertility (and hopefully win)? instead of giving away a million dollars for answering a question correctly, i think there should be a show that gives deserving couples the chance to go through fertility treatments, documenting their real life experiences with all their highs and lows. i want to watch a couple that i can relate to and feel for, that wouldn't have had the chance otherwise, seek treatment and finally be able to bring home a baby. now, that's a TV show i would watch!

    oh, and in the latest IUI cycle #2 news, it's CD12 and i am waiting for the results from my bloodwork to come back, but this morning i had 3 follies measuring at 15 and one at 12 for a grand total of 4 potential eggs (2 on each ovary)! they're much larger than they started out last cycle, so i'm expecting to trigger on sunday and do the IUI on tuesday. crossing my fingers!

    Thursday, April 21, 2011

    For Little Ol' Me?

    i have to admit that yesterday, i was having a kind of down day. having B gone was getting to me. but...then i saw that i got an award and it turned that frown upside down! ;) thank you so much to baby hopes at chasing our stork: our journey with infertility for giving me the versatile blogger award!!!

    so, here's how this thing works:
    1. winners grab the image above and put it in your blog.
    2. link back to the person who gave you it.
    3. tell 10 things about yourself
    4. award 15 recently discovered bloggers.
    5. contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won.
    ten things about me:
    1. i've had baby names picked out since i was 16. while other girls were dreaming of the perfect wedding, i was dreaming about the perfect nursery.
    2. i'm a super picky eater. the list of things i like is way shorter than the list of things i don't like. no pickle cravings for me when i get pregnant!
    3. in an effort to become more cultured, i've decided to go back and read all the classics that my english/literature teachers (both high school & college) never assigned me to read. i recently read the count of monte cristo (loved it!) and am about to start vanity fair.
    4. B and i never really dated before we got married. we went from being best friends to "i think i'm in love with you. let's get married." our 9th anniversary is in july!
    5. i have this subconscious (well, conscious now) to over-commit myself. i have a tendency to take on way too many projects. i think it's just a classic case of needing to be needed.
    6. B and i skype every night now, during which time we are re-reading harry potter and the deathly hallows (aka - i read to him while he makes faces at me). B loves it when i try to do a british accent - he thinks it's hilarious!
    7. i'm a movie addict. it's so bad that i have several loaded on my ipod and i listen to/watch them at work.
    8. i have 9 sisters (and 2 brothers, but that's beside the point. ha ha!) and they all look like barbies. i think i was adopted.
    9. i hate airplanes. it's not so much the flying, although the motion sickness certainly isn't ideal, as it is the being stuck in your seat after you've landed, waiting to get off the plane. i hate being in crowds of people, so being stuck with a huge group in a flying can is just a recipe for a panic attack.
    10. i have this compulsive need to buy picture frames. i don't know why, but i'm obsessed with them, especially when i get a good deal on them. of course, i use them all, but i'm starting to run out of wall space. i'll have to post a pic sometime of my dining room wall.
    here are my nominees for the versatile blogger award:
    1. rosachka at creating our miracle
    2. julia at "just relax!"
    3. sarah at baby talk
    4. natalie at my blog is boring
    5. lindsay at waiting for that positive
    6. slese1014 at fertility frustration 
    7. junebug at junebug's musings
    8. marianne at the daily miracle
    9. maria at MISSION: fertile soul
    10. foxy at someday
    11. blooming woman at and then there were two...(again)
    12. liz at compromised fertility
    13. jem at ambivalent womb
    14. rebecca at trying not to scream
    15. me and you, just us - two.
    also, a big welcome to all the ICLWers stopping by!!! this is my second time to participate and i'm super excited! just a quick synopsis of where we are: B and i have been TTC for *gulp* 8 and a half years with some miscarriages under our belt. thanks to my awesome new job, i now have insurance that covers fertility treatments for us, so we are in the midst of our 2nd IUI, with one more set before we move on to IVF. thanks for checking out the stork drop zone!

      Wednesday, April 20, 2011

      Hero Humpday

      wow, wednesday got here fast!

      this week's humpday hero is A from remember all the way! her posts are always positive with a strong spiritual undertone that makes you feel comfortable, like you've known her forever. she has such an amazing story - after battling infertility for way too long, she is now enjoying having a little blessing on the way and it happened naturally! she posted a quote recently that seems really fitting: "when you've been through hell, you tend to appreciate heaven." so, head on over and congratulate her on her award and on her bun in the oven!

      without futher A!

      As it says in my profile, I couldn't believe I was turning 30 (last summer) and still didn't have kids.  I got married when I was 25, and in 2007 we decided to stop preventing and see if we conceived.  No dice, and in 2008, we started out with some basic testing which showed normal results.  In 2009, we went to see an RE who said that my 7dpo progesterone was a tad low, and he prescribed clomid.  Of course I thought that it would be the magic medicine, but we had no luck.  We tried injectable IUI's at the end of 2009, and in 2010, we moved onto IVF.  Our first IVF cycle was cancelled due to low response, and our second IVF cycle brought us one precious embie who sadly did not stay with us.  We were emotionally drained and decided in the summer of 2010 to start eating organically, cutting out processed foods.  I started going to weekly acupuncture in October 2010, as well as taking a variety of natural supplements (prenatal, Vitamin D, Wheatgrass, Royal Jelly).  In 2011, We vowed to be the healthiest and happiest we could be and live life well, despite not having a child.  I started practicing yoga daily and added daily meditation.  On January 29, 2011, we were blown away with a totally natural BFP.  It took us a week or two to even believe it- after all that we had been through and all that had failed, we had made a baby the old fashioned way.  We hope that our story will bring hope to those who read it to never give up hope, but to also encourage you to be the healthiest and happiest you can be to create a beautiful body that is ready to nurture a little one!!!

      (10 things about me)
      1.  Hubby and I grind our own wheat flour, and I use it to make 100% whole wheat bread for us.  I haven't bought bread at the store in at least a year!
      2.  I love gardening- vegetable and perennials.  I don't know why more people don't use perennials- they are the best- you don't have to buy new flowers every year!!!
      3.  I was a endurance runner in "the past"...I've completed 2 marathons (4:02 and 4:19), 2 half marathons (forget the time), and a bunch of 10-miler's.  I loved running, and maybe I will be one of those 50-year-old ladies who get back into it and beat the pants off 20-somethings, like what used to happen to me!!
      4.  I am the oldest of 4 kids- two younger sisters and a younger brother- and we all get along awesome!
      5.  I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House for 4 years before we moved to our current city.
      6.  I work from home, and I LOVE IT!!!
      7.  My least favorite household chore is dusting.
      8.  Hubby and I bought half a cow (grass fed) from a local farmer in the fall, and we get the rest of our meat/eggs from a local Mennonite farm.
      9.  I would rather eat a bag of Sour Patch Kids any day than some chocolate.
      10.  I love to mow the grass.  B-)

      (Message to the Readers)
      Like I said in my bio, I just hope our story inspires you to never give up on your dream of expanding your family.  Last year, our dream for our family included a baby, but by the end of last year, we had to be realistic with ourselves that that might not happen- we figured after all that we tried had failed there was no way it would happen on its own.  So we sort of changed our dream to just include the two of us as a family- because we just couldn't bear the constant rise and fall of emotions/expectations.  Then, of course, we conceived our little one on our own, and I know that sounds an awful lot like the dreadful "just stop trying and you will get pregnant"......but I would love for people to focus on the idea of really creating an environment for your baby to thrive.  I think before we started eating better and doing natural things to enhance our health, we were so focused on the end goal, we didn't realize how we really weren't preparing the best environment for the baby.  I think that most natural things can be used in conjunction with medical treatments, but even if some supplements are not recommended with meds, I still encourage my sisters-in-infertility to incorporate some yoga (pulling down the moon has a great DVD- not being paid to say that, but i just loved their practice!) and/or meditation and/or acupuncture into their lives to give their bodies and minds a chance to prepare to welcome a baby.  Don't lose hope!!!

      congrats to A!!! and don't forget to send me your nominees! you can email them to me at storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

      Tuesday, April 19, 2011

      The 31st Law of Infertility

      the 31st law of infertility states that regardless of which online search engine is used, search parameters input, or reason for the online search, any and all online image searches performed by an infertile will include at least one picture of a pregnant woman.

      thanks for reminding me that i'm not pregnant, google!

      this pic is thanks to glamour magazine and if you want to read the article that goes with it, click here. it's called how to get pregnant exactly when you want to and i couldn't help but laugh when i read it. nowhere in there does it tell you anything about how to get pregnant (as if we need to read about the birds and the bees on that one), let alone how to do it on a timeline.  

      oh, and thanks, glamour, for pointing out to me that 70% of couples get pregnant within the first 6 months and that we're not one of them!

      Monday, April 18, 2011

      On My Own

      having B home an extra two weeks has been amazing, but, alas, all good things must come to an end. we drove him up to rhode island yesterday, had a wonderful last night together (not wanting it to end, we stayed up past midnight!), and put me on a plane back home this afternoon.

      the house feels incredibly empty right now, but i'm handling it all way better than i thought i would. i have lots of plans and projects to keep me really busy so that the week days will fly by and the weekends will get here that much sooner. i've decided to join the local Y, so i can have options to workout that don't involve bouncing (ie. running), since my RE vetoed all activities that fall into that category. so, i'll be going with my friend from work every week day as soon as we get off. i'm really looking forward to it! i've missed running, so super excited to at least be active. i've also got some craft projects lined up and some odds and ends things in the furniture department that i want to get done.

      i love being crafty and finding awesome ways to save money stylishly. ;) so, here's my new to-do list (i'm posting this mostly because i just love bullet lists):
      • i got these cheapo t-shirts at walmart the other day, along with some random bolts of fabric, and i'm going to embellish the shirts with fabric flowers. when all is said and done, each one should cost me under $5.
      • i'm also going to sand my mismatched dining room chairs and paint them white and make matching cushions for them. i bought them for $5 each at goodwill. i love that they don't match, but i need to tie them all together somehow
      • i've got a ton of pics to edit from recent photo shoots that i've put on the back-burner for too long. i'm heading into a busy season for photo shoots, so i've really got to buckle down.
      • i plan to make some new throw pillows for our living room. we need some more color, but there's no way i'm spending $30 on a pillow that i could make for $5-$10.
      • we really need some end tables in our living room, but, once again, my cheap frugal side just won't let me spend the money. instead, i plan to make a trip to home depot and a trip to joann's fabrics to gather up supplies to build my own. it's my own design, too, so we'll see how they turn out. my carpenter skills are a little iffy.
      i'm trying to stay positive and look on the bright side, such as focusing on the things i can accomplish without B distracting me, but the truth is i miss him and i pray that this year will fly by. i know i'll get to see him on friday, but that just isn't enough for me. all of my positivity seems to go right out the window when i think of going to bed by myself tonight.

      ok, time for a subject change! here's where we're at this cycle. i finished taking my clomid last night, which puts us at CD8 today. i've got my blood work and ultrasound scheduled for friday morning. if all goes as planned, we'll be triggering that night and doing the IUI on easter sunday. let's just hope that my follies are growing fast, because how awesome would that be!?!

      now, if you'll excuse me, i have a skype date with my husband. ;)

      Friday, April 15, 2011


      there's something about this time of year that fills me with hope, especially in regards to TTC. it seems like life is springing up all around me, leaves sprouting, flowers blooming, everybody announcing their BFPs... ;) it feels like we are so close to getting ours, too. *fingers crossed*

      i am on day three of clomid (AF arrived monday and i got the go ahead to start taking it on wednesday) and the hot flashes are due any minute now. so far, i still feel emotionally balanced, but that's subject to change, too. ha ha!

      right now i'm just enjoying my time with B and not worrying about how this cycle goes. i feel really at peace at the moment, hopeful for the future, but grateful for what i have. it's a nice break from the hormotional roller coaster that is infertility. *insert sigh of contentment*

      my blood work and ultrasound to see if i can trigger are scheduled for next friday. if all goes according to plan, the IUI should be next sunday. that means B will be in town! yay!

      Thursday, April 14, 2011

      The Parenting Game: Round 4

      i've been sick for almost 2 weeks now, so i finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday. (i see enough doctors on a regular basis now. i avoid seeing any more than are absolutely necessary.) since B has been sick for longer than me, i decided to let him tag along. ;) turns out he has a sinus infection and i have bronchitis. blah!

      not to make excuses, but that's why i haven't been blogging/commenting like crazy this week. sorry! i've got some major catching up to do, but i'm not sure when i'll get to do it, since we're leaving for the island of rhode on saturday and i don't get back till monday.

      so, since i have been lacking in the entertainment department, i thought now would be the perfect time to play another round of the parenting game! yay! we had such great responses last time and i hope to see lots this time, too.

      for those of you who haven't played before, the point is to tell us why you'd be a better parent than this one without stating the obvious. sarcasm is always encouraged and the more outrageous the reason, the better!

      here's this round's pic:

      i'd be a better parent than this one, because i'd at least take off the diaper before lighting that bad boy up. nothing worse than chewing on charred diaper.

      your turn!

      Wednesday, April 13, 2011

      Hero Humpday

      i'm super excited about today's humpday hero! i'm a recent fan and have been loving reading her blog. congratulations goes to bridget from the lost stork for being awarded the humpday hero award! be sure to stop by her blog to see for yourself just how awesome and inspiring she is!

      introducing bridget...

      I can't believe I was chosen for "Humpday Hero", you guys are the best. Thank you so much, I am truly honored!!  I remember the first blog I read about a girl going through IVF and I thought to myself... she sounds just like me- if she can do it, I can do it- and my blog, The Lost Stork, was born. I started blogging in December of 2009 and it has been such a wonderful experience.  I had no idea that there were so many amazing people out there dealing with the same things I was dealing with and that they would become some of the best friends I have.  Even though I've never met any of you, I look forward to your comments, support, and enthusiasm after each one of my posts and my husband could tell you that I talk about you guys all the time.  I am so happy to be a part of this community. 
      Now for my Bio...this is going to be tough, I'm terrible at writing about myself (I know, strange coming from a blogger). It's funny how your Bio changes when you're classified as infertile.  Before IF I would have talked about my job and what I like to do for fun and now my Bio includes my failed pregnancies and IF treatments!
      I'm Bridget from The Lost Stork and I have unexplained infertility.  I was born and raised on a farm in the Midwest and I still live about 45 minutes from where I grew up.  I met my wonderful husband, Steve, in January of 2008 and we were married in November of 2009 (we didn't mess around, when you know- you know).  We wanted to start a family ASAP so I threw out my birth control pills and we started trying right away.  In January 2010 I got a BFP that was followed with the worst news I had ever heard- it was ectopic.  What happened over the next 3 or 4 weeks is very hard to explain without going into all the gory details but I will try.  I was taken to surgery (to remove the pregnancy but leaving the tube intact), after surgery my HCG levels continued to rise, I had surgery #2, HCG continued to rise, I was treated with methotrexate, and finally my fallopian tube ruptured because tissue had been left behind that continued to grow.  It was a disaster in every sense of the word.  After a couple of months off, we scheduled our first visit with an RE and started trying again. We got another BFP in May that ended a short time later.  After a few months on Clomid and 2 failed IUI's our RE brought up IVF.  We decided to go for it and started the process in December of 2010. We are now 11 weeks pregnant and thankful every day!!  I hope you'll stop by and say hello- I love meeting new bloggers!
      10 Unique Things About Me....
      1.  I'm 6' tall
      2.  I have 3 cats and a dog that are like children to me
      3.  I have 2 older sisters and 1 younger brother
      4.  I don't like food that is sticky- I don't eat syrup or jelly for exactly this reason
      5.  I'm a reality TV junky (RHW, Big Brother, Hoarders- love them all!)
      6.  I'm terrified of flying and don't like being away from home
      7.  I have a Bachelor's Degree in Education but I'm not a teacher
      8.  I met my husband at a copying machine and asked him out the next day
      9.  I played the trombone when I was younger
      10.  My thumbs are two different lengths
      Thanks again to the lovely person or people who nominated me and to Carlia for creating this wonderful idea!!

      Monday, April 11, 2011

      Publicly Infertile

      i hate the idea of wearing "infertile" as a badge, being the only thing i'm known for, but i am no good at keeping things to myself. tell me your secret and my lips are sealed, but when it comes to my own issues, i can't seem to stop the verbal diarrhea. although i try to maintain a small degree of anonymity here, in real life my infertility is well known and much talked about (mostly by me).

      it started out that people would ask why we don't have kids and i would say, "well, we've been trying for a while, but it just hasn't happened for us yet." somewhere along the way the word "infertility" got thrown into the mix and there was no turning back.

      i don't mind people knowing my business, though. in my mind, it's better they know the truth than label me selfish, self-centered, or anti-kids. i would rather they think that there's something wrong with me physically than mentally or emotionally. i would rather people know of my desperate longing for children than to assume that i've chosen myself over having a family.

      i understand why many women who share my plight suffer in silence, as it is a very personal struggle and having so many people watching to see if you finally get knocked up can put unnecessary pressure on you. of course, there is also the judgment that comes from those who think you should just adopt.

      i get that everyone has their opinion and i get that some people don't want to share their struggle with others (i don't judge), but, for me, i love being able to talk about it. it's my therapy; it keeps me sane. if i couldn't talk about it, i think it would eat me up inside! i love having such a huge support system. i love knowing that so many people care. sure, the audience makes it doubly hard to announce the BFNs, but knowing that i've got so many cheerleaders, so many prayers going up on our behalf, so many words of all just makes it so much easier to stay positive.

      i think that it is because of all of the support i receive from family and friends that i have been able to accept that our first IUI was a failure. no, not a failure. as my sister said to me the day before the beta, whatever the outcome, it is progress. such a great reminder!

      B calls me the queen of TMI. he used to be embarrassed by how casually i used the words sperm and uterus. i am proud to announce that i have rubbed off on him! last night, during his weekly call to his parents, i heard him use both words while talking to his dad about the IUI procedures. ha ha! i could just picture his dad cringing on the other end of the line.

      it's so nice to be able to look all around us, online and in our everyday lives, and see nothing but support and love. thank you for all of the wonderful comments you have made on here and in person. thank you for your prayers, crossed fingers, and words of encouragement. thank you for caring about us and our journey. oh, and thanks for brightening our weekend with all of the new BFN definitions! ;) B and i had a good laugh over those. laughter is the best medicine and you all made us feel so much better. thank you!

      Friday, April 8, 2011

      Laughing Through the Tears

      negative. i cried. i dried my tears. i'm ready to move on to the next round.

      BFN (big fat negative) is an acronym that i've used too many times before and i really don't want to use again. in fact, let's rethink this whole BFN thing. surely we can come up with a better meaning than the one it's got. let's give it a try (i need a good laugh!)...

      Boring Freakish Nuances

      Battle For Normalcy

      Black Force Ninjas

      Bleak Foreign News

      Bound For Nonsense

      Broke From Narcotics

      help me add to this list! instead of saying "i'm sorry" or sending your condolences, tell me your new definition for BFN! oh, and the more outrageous, the better. ;)

      Thursday, April 7, 2011

      Bracing Myself

      the two week wait is just one excruciatingly long bout of psychological torture. one minute i'm thinking "my boobs hurt so bad - i must be pregnant!" and the next minute i think "i feel like AF is about to show up. so much for this cycle." it goes back and forth, back and forth all. day. long. i swore i wasn't going to do this. not this time. when i started this cycle, i told myself that this cycle wasn't meant to bring a BFP, that it was just a stepping stone to IVF. i was so positive that the IUIs were going to be a bust, just a necessary part of this process, but here i am over-analyzing everything and fighting back the urge to convince myself that it worked.

      let's break it down, so you can see the craziness going on in my head today. these are my "symptoms" along with my interpretation of them.

      • cramps - AF is on her way
      • twinges - sister to the cramps
      • sore boobs - i should probably stop pinching/poking them
      • stuffy nose/cold-like symptoms - i've been kissing on B and he's a big sickie right now
      • tired - i haven't been sleeping well, probably because of B coughing all night
      • vivid dreams - i'm totally stressed out over all of this
      • lower back discomfort -  i just need a good massage
      • emotional - hello, hormones!
      • headaches - well, i am having conversations with myself and am now bordering on crazy
      now, i just need to distract myself for the next 24 hours. i can't wait for the office to come on tonight! i need some laughs!

      Wednesday, April 6, 2011

      Hero Humpday

      it's our first hero humpday! thanks so much for sending me your nominations! (keep 'em coming!)

      our first recipient of the humpday hero award (an award given to inspiring bloggers, nominated by the SDZ readers) is amanda of our fertility journey. i am so excited that she was the first recipient, because i am a huge fan! check out her blog. yesterday's post, in particular, was amazing.

      without further ado, introducing amanda...

      First of all, I just want to say that I’m honoured (and in shock) that my blog was even considered for this award. From the email I sent to my husband, you would think I had just been nominated for an Oscar. Except this is even better, because it’s more of a People’s Choice Award! So thank you from the bottom of my heart. When I started my blog, it was for the sole purpose of documenting my experiences with IF, along with the results of the initial testing I was going through. I'll never forget the day I got my first follower! And now less than a year later, this blogging community takes my breath away on a daily basis, and I'm so lucky and grateful to be a part of it.

      And now a quick TTC summary of where we've been, and where we're at:
      When I went off the pill after our honeymoon in Oct/08, my period never came. Ten months later, I was diagnosed with Hypothalamic Amenorrhea. I was told to increase my BMI, and cut back on my exercise routine (mostly running) in hopes of waking up my hibernating hypothalamus. About 5 months later, we finally started some medicated cycles. I ovulated using the GnRH pump, and found out I was pregnant in April/10. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 7w. Next up, clomid and a trip to Disney World, where I found out I was pregnant again in Sept/10. But after another miscarriage at 7w, my RE decided to remove the septum in my uterus, which we are hoping was the reason for the miscarriages (fetal tissue tested normal). After the recovery period was over, I decided to take a break from all medication, and I ovulated on my own in Feb/11!! So we are now on our second natural cycle, TTC like crazy! After going through so many long and complicated medicated cycles, it feels like such a gift to be able to try on our own each month. We are currently in the TWW and hoping for our miracle 'Baby H' soon.

      Besides the medical aspects of my journey, the whole concept of the Mind-Body Connection has been such an integral part for me. It started off with acupuncture, but quickly expanded to include Circle+Bloom, yoga, sessions with a spiritual healer, EFT (emotional freedom technique), and even HypnoFertility! I believe the combination of these alternative treatments has done more for me than any medication ever could. I learned to RELAX, have patience, accept my body, trust my body, and most importantly, LOVE my body.

      But, there's obviously more to me than TTC! Here are a few random facts about me that even my regular readers probably don't know:

      1. I'm obsessed with celebrity gossip websites. I could easily give you the latest news on any celebrity, anytime.

      2. We moved into our new house in Nov/10, and my current project is landscaping our backyard and decorating the master bedroom. (and since I'm very indecisive, this is taking much longer than originally anticipated)

      3. My favorite New Kid On The Block was Joey (obviously) and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I'm going to the NKOTBSB concert in July.
      4. My husband and I, along with our entire immediate families, live within 2 neighbourhoods of each other (in Ottawa, Canada)

      5. Whenever I'm going out for dinner, I get so excited and always look at the menu online beforehand. Then when I get there, I pretend like I'm reading it for the first time, even though I've known what I'm getting for several days.

      6. My favorite show of all time is The Vampire Diaries.

      7. In University, I was a Multiple Sclerosis genetic researcher and worked with my own breed of lab mice for 2 years.

      8. My husband and I have had our baby names picked out since before we were even engaged.

      9. I could sit and people-watch for hours with a coffee or a glass of wine.

      10. When I was a baby, my parents used to lull me to sleep with the sound of a hockey game on the radio. And to this day, there is nothing more soothing to me than this sound. (it doesn't get more Canadian than that, eh?)
      So thanks to all of you for reading, and thank you Carlia for coming up with this award in the first place! What a great way to break up the week. I look forward to 'meeting' some new bloggers out there!

      Tuesday, April 5, 2011

      Sharing is Not Necessarily Caring

      what a weekend! B was sick the whole time, it was extremely cold, and it even snowed. so much for a relaxing weekend at the beach. to top it off, i woke up sick early sunday morning and have been sick ever since. i love that B is so good at sharing everything with me, but i really wish he hadn't been so generous with his germs.

      i called casey, my nurse, to find out what i can take to knock this thing out. she finally called me back 6 hours later and told me that i could take regular robitussin, no CF or DM or fancy stuff like that. so, i sent B to the store. i should have just gone myself. he called me from the grocery store to tell me they only had the kind with extra crap in it. after that i sent him over to walgreens, where he called me to tell me the same thing. i suggested he talk to the pharmacist to find out which one was the "regular" tussin. he complained about there being 10 people in line, so i just told him to come home. i headed out, tried walmart first, and what do you know?!? adult tussin right there on the counter. how about that? i double-checked it with the pharmacist (using the old "it's for my friend" story, because explaining that i didn't know if i was pregnant or not is more hassle than it's worth) and headed home. it seems to be doing the trick, at least. i feel much better this morning! (aside from my hormotional fit)

      last night i started cramping. i'm 11dpiui and i cramped slightly off and on for several days after the IUI, but this is much more noticeable. it's not hurry-grab-the-tampon kind of cramping, but hard to ignore nonetheless. my boobs still hurt, too, the nips throbbing from time to time. mother nature is one twisted witch to make the symptoms for AF and the symptoms for pregnancy so similar!

      this is the point of my 2WW where i start to go crazy. even though i told myself that i would not get my hopes up, as soon as i get to 10dpo, i can't help but obsess. i hate to admit it, but i keep googling __dpiui every five minutes. i am so pathetic!

      also, i'm super excited about tomorrow being our first hero humpday!!! i've got heroes set to be awarded and i'm so stoked! don't forget to keep sending those nominations, though.

      Friday, April 1, 2011

      The Fine Line Between Optimism & Masochism

      it's been a very long time since i've been in the two week wait. part of me stays grounded, so certain that our journey is continuing, that we have yet to reach our destination. another part of me daydreams about baby bumps and ultrasounds to find out the gender. i can't help but let that side take over.

      i keep finding myself shopping online for maternity clothes. twisted, isn't it? i add things to my cart and pretend that i'll actually get to complete the purchase. it's like a sickness, a compulsion that i can't seem to stop.

      i wander through stores, pausing to pick up tiny shoes and petite dresses, showing them to B with an accompanying " adorable is this?!?" he laughs, humoring me.

      this is the one point in the cycle where i have no control. i've already done everything i can (aside from continuing the prometrium). all i can do now is hope.

      hope, though so small, is a massive word. within those four letters are contained emotions that most people can't begin to comprehend. that single syllable holds all my dreams and their possible realities.

      but my hope is always mixed with fear. the two seem to go hand in hand for me. i can't feel one without the other. every time i imagine what it will be like to get that elusive BFP, every time i feel that stir of butterflies at the realization that it could happen - that this might be our time, the fear creeps in and stills the butterflies, squashing the vision of my dream. instead of a rush of happiness at the possibilities, i feel an emptiness. numbness spread through me and the thought that it couldn't possibly happen for me tarnishes my anticipation.

      i've analyzed the statistics for my clinic. for someone my age with my diagnosis, a mere 20% success rate for IUI. it's higher than any of their other IUI stats, but still... a one in five chance, that's it. i know a few people it has worked for and their success makes me think "why not me? why can't it work for me, too?"

      for now, i'm going to hold onto that thought. i'm going to keep looking at maternity clothes and baby booties. i'm going to hold onto that feeling of certainty that this is it - now is our time. i'm not going to think about the countless negative pregnancy tests i've taken. i'm not going to think about my past miscarriages. i'n not going to bog myself down with negativity, because hope is all i have and after all these years, i need it.
      Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...