Thursday, June 30, 2011

Queen of Everything

or so my new award tells me. okay, not everything, but i do get to make three rules *insert maniacal, evil laugh* (and they're so awesome that they better stick!).


natalie over at my blog is boring gave me authority to put my power to use for the good of mankind, (check out her rules here.) so here it goes...

rule #1: dieting is being revolutionized! in fact, it's now completely opposite from what it was. that means veggies are the enemy and desserts & junk food are the good guys. broccoli is fattening and cupcakes are diet food! also included in this new weightloss plan is the exercise itself. i won't say that it's bad, because i am partial to a good endorphin rush, so we're just going to increase the results of your hard work. for every 30 minutes you work out, a whole pound is lost! for our metric using friends, that's 0.45359237 kilos. (thanks, google. you know everything.)

rule #2: life is now fair! people get what they deserve, whether it be good or bad. bad people = punishment. good people = rewards. hard work now pays off every time and good intentions have good outcomes. no good deed will be punished! and for every bad thing that happens to good people, a really good thing comes along to balance it out. ahhh, utopia!

rule #3: birthday presents are now mandatory from every person you know, with bigger presents for milestone birthdays, of course. this one comes in particularly handy right now, since my 30th birthday is on tuesday. don't worry, though, there's still time to drop it in the mail! i also accept belated presents. ;)

by the power vested in me as the overlord, i bestow this award on the following bloggers, because, well... i'm just dying to know what they're rules will be:

ashley @ traditionally nontraditional
sarah @ baby talk
junebug @ junebug's musings
jennifer @ do i have to be a d.i.n.k.
josie @ my cheap version of therapy
diana @ bun(less) in the oven
mag @ witty infertility

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Hero Humpday

thanks to my stupidity and forgetfulness and technical issues with my gmail account i am way behind in the humpday hero awards. (seriously, if you've emailed and i haven't responded, please resend it, because my gmail account was acting up recently and emails never came through.)

anyway, back to this week's recipient of the esteemed humpday hero award... this winner is such a positive, witty blogger, who makes you feel like you know her from reading her first post. i am a big fan and am so excited that she got nominated!

congrats to miss mac!!!


Wow, what an honor to receive an award from people who you have never met yet they care for you as if you’ve been forever friends!  I graciously accept the Humpday Hero Award!  Thanks to Carlia for creating this special way to show support and for the reader/s who nominated me!  You have given me a mid-week boost for sure!

Bio- My blog name is Miss Mac and my sweet significant other is referred to as PC.  We met in the spring of 2004 on a blind date and were married in the spring of 2005.  I was 28 and he was 32.  We were both settled in our careers, wanted kids from the start and decided to drop the BC soon after we were married.  Less than a year later, we began the roller coaster ride of infertility.  If you name it, I probably tried it.  From A (acupuncture) to Z (zinc)!  After many failed treatments and fading hope, we started saving for IVF.  We went through our first in vitro cycle two months ago.  We had five eggs, four to fertilize, two to transfer on day 3 (also our 6 year anniversary!), none to freeze, and are still in shock that one little fighter stuck with us!  We are currently 16 weeks pregnant and still in complete gratitude and awe of this miracle on the way.  

 10 unique things about myself- yikes, I don’t really qualify for much in the unique-ness category!  Nevertheless,

1.  We have three furbabies.  Medium, Large and a Gentle Giant!

2.  I love to read but have to carefully plan to read a new book because chances are I will stay up all night to finish a good book (PC can confirm).  My mom loved to go to the lake to sunbathe when I was little and I hated it.  She would bribe me with a new book so I would oblige by finding a shady spot and reading while she baked!

3.  Nothing relaxes me and provides stress relief like a Jeep drive with PC, no top (on the Jeep that is), no doors, no worries… on a beautiful sunny day.  

4.  We have an older Jeep that PC had when we married.  It’s a stick shift.  I’ve spent all six years of our marriage trying to learn to drive it during the summer months.  I have one route near our home that includes all right turns, no hills and no traffic lights.  I’m too chicken to turn on a new road!  This makes me want to cry and LOL at the same time! 

5.  I am an only child.  My parents divorced when I was two and my mom didn’t marry again until I was 21!

6.  I played the xylophone in high school band.

7.  I enjoy people watching much more than people mingling!

8.  I’ve never flown!  I’ve been on a few 10+ hour road trips but have never stepped foot on a plane. 

9.  I love bargains.  I don’t put a lot of time into couponing but I have a goal in life to one day walk out of a store with a purchase where they owe ME! 

10.  I put myself through college by working two jobs and taking a lot of night classes.  Still paying on the loan unfortunately, but I really appreciate that degree on the wall a whole lot more.  It gave me determination to “overcome obstacles and achieve my goals!” 
 
To my readers- I try to carry that same #10 attitude over to infertility but those mountains seemed (and still seem) way too high at times.  I haven’t shared much about this journey IRL so this place has truly been a refuge where I’ve found cheerleaders, shoulders to cry on, listening ears through the vents and frustrations and hearts that understand.  There are no words worthy enough to express how much each of you mean to me!  You all have amazing strength, resilience, classiness and determination when it comes to overcoming the world of IF. Therefore, I virtually raise a glass to all of you and say, “to whatever means it takes to achieve your dreams, fight for it, if one door shuts- swing the next one wide open and don’t take no for an answer!”  Cheers? 

Thank you and love to you all… Miss Mac

remember, you choose the winners, so don't forget to send me your nominations! email them to storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Quick How-To

i've had a few people ask about my scrolling blog list on my side-bar, so i thought i'd do a simple how-to post, in case you want to try one on your blog. (these instructions are blogger specific.)

step 1: go to your design page
step 2: click "add a gadget" on your sidebar
step 3: specify that you want to add HTML/javascript
step 4: copy and paste this code into your text box:




step 5: go to your favorite blogs and copy their button codes
step 6: paste the codes into the scrolling buttons code and press save
step 7: sit back and enjoy the parade!

FYI: the width and height are standard, but can be changed, as well as the "scrollamount", which is your speed. it's set to 5, which is what i have mine on, but feel free to change it if you want yours to go faster or slower. oh, and you aren't limited to the number of buttons you can add

Monday, June 27, 2011

I Don't Share Well

maybe it's the fact that i am the 7th of 11 children and was forced to share everything when i was growing up, or maybe it's the fact that i'm a self-centered, self-absorbed, self-serving, selfish witch, but either way i sometimes have a hard time sharing.

if you try to take food off my plate, be prepared to have your hand stabbed by my fork.

if you grab a pen off my desk, be prepared to get sharpie on your face.

if you "borrow" my clothes, be prepared to pay for the dry cleaning (regardless of whether it's called for or not).

okay, so i'm really not that bad, but i've been struggling with sharing lately. in particular, i've been having a hard time when it comes to having to share B on the weekends. i only get so much time with him and i hate having him taken away from me for even a little bit of it. i sound pretty pathetic, don't i?

this weekend was so nice, not because we did anything spectacular (we've spent way too much money this month!), but because it was just the two of us the whole time. it was much needed. and now that i got that out of my system, i might just be able to share him this next weekend...maybe just a little bit.

Friday, June 24, 2011

What Happens Next

this morning was my visit with dr. T and, i must say, it went very well. she thinks we need to be more aggressive, so as soon as my next cycle starts we get to move on to IVF!!!

it has taken us almost 9 years to get to this point. i can't even tell you how many times we've talked about wishing we could afford to try at least one round of IVF. we are both so unbelievably grateful to be here and to finally have this chance.

i don't want to get my hopes up, but i just can't help it. we know that i can get pregnant, so maybe being able to have the embryos graded and carefully selected will give us the full-term pregnancy we've dreamed of. B and i are both feeling very confident..i just hope we're not overly-confident. we know it may not work the first time, as well, but we know we have more chances and we know we have our back-up plans, which definitely gives us peace of mind.

this is a new chapter in our journey and i can't wait to get started!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I Did It!

well, i haven't been spending all of my time with my nose in books during this break from treatments. in fact, i've crossed a few things off my list. here's my progress:

  1. take a dose of aleve. i am so daring! none of that weak tylenol for me. i'm going for the good stuff. CHECK! in fact, i've taken a few doses...not all at once, of course.
  2. drink a 2-liter of coke zero all by myself. i gave up caffeine months ago, but i'm going to drink it just for the sake of drinking it. ain't i a rascal? uhhh...i kind of dropped the ball on this one. actually, i just couldn't justify it, since i've been so good about not drinking any carbonation at all. i was really worried that if i gave in once, i would find a reason to do it again. so, instead i'm patting myself on the back for being good.
  3. revamp my hair. i'm not wasting my time just polishing my look; i'm going for a major over-haul. fire-engine red, here i come! okay, maybe not that bright, but sort of in that direction. CHECK! i did it yesterday and i'm in love with my new color! the best thing about it is that now my pale, freckly skin looks very fitting. ha ha! i'll post the pic at the end.
  4. spray paint a picture frame. no, i won't be huffing anything, but i'm not going to be that careful, either. ;) CHECK! i actually spray painted a few of them and i have a few more things to paint, as well, thanks to my awesome bargain shopping at goodwill a couple of weeks ago.
  5. clean the litter box without rubber gloves or a medical mask. *gasp* very risky, indeed. CHECK! boo to the ya! take that toxoplasmosis!
  6. go for a run. oh, how i miss running! i know it's not that entertaining of a task for my checklist, but it definitely belongs there. CHECK!...sort of. i have been working out consistently, including weights, yoga, spinning, but on monday i did hop on the treadmill for the first time in a couple of months. and, ya know what? i can still run 2 miles without stopping. yay me!
  7. do jumping-jacks. not for the exercise; just to spite my doctor's instructions. yeah, i didn't do this one. i just don't like doing jumping-jacks.
  8. eat sushi. errr...i would do this one if i liked sushi. i think i'll skip this one. just as i predicted, i didn't do this one either. sushi is not for the faint of heart and i am faint of heart.
  9. go sky-diving. hhmmm...but i'm not suicidal, so this one's going to get skipped, too. this one was a dud, too.
  10. eat a whole box of cupcakes. (thanks to my awesome friend, sarah, for dropping them off for me!) actually, i'm already half-way done with this one. CHECK! and they were delicious, too!

and now for the hair...keep in mind that this was taken with my little point-and-shoot after an 8 hour day at work and an hour at the gym, so don't judge. ;)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Good Reads

if you're in need of some non-fertility related down-time, why not escape through a good book?

here are a couple of newly released books that i've recently read that get a thumbs up from me:

the proper care and maintenance of friendship by lisa verge higgins

synopsis: rachel, kate, jo, and sarah have been close friends since college despite their differences. rachel is an energetic, adventurous daredevil; kate is the perfect housewife; jo is a tough-as-nails career woman; and sarah is a dedicated humanitarian, who spends her time in the jungles of africa. rachel’s life is tragically cut short by cancer, but she leaves letters behind for all her friends and family, urging them to challenge themselves and step outside the boundaries of their comfortable lives. kate must go skydiving, sarah has to look up and reconnect with the one that got away, and jo is entrusted with the care of rachel’s young daughter. although kate, jo, and sarah are surprised by rachel’s requests, they can’t refuse her last wishes, and in executing them, they find out what’s really important in life.

my opinion: it's very chick-lit, but was surprisingly good. i don't usually go for anything too mushy, cliche or self-reverential that a lot of books in this genre are, but this one is none of those things. the characters were likeable and the challenges seemed pretty realistic. the writing is great, not too detailed and flows well. i give it two thumbs up, because who doesn't love a happy ending?


the lost gate by orson scott card

synopsis: danny north is an outcast in his own family, mocked by his cousins, mistrusted by the adults. one day, he discovers he has special powers—powers which are forbidden among his kind, and which, if discovered, will get him killed. so he runs away from home, determined to master his newfound abilities. these abilities make him uniquely suited to escape, and the farther he runs, the more he realizes how important he is, a chosen one, the only one who can unlock the gate to the world his people came from. now the outcast has to stay alive long enough to understand just how much he’s capable of, and how he can use that knowledge.

my opinion: there are actually two stories going on in this book, danny's and loki's, which was really confusing at first, especially because the synopsis never warned me of it. so, it took me a while to figure out where and whom the other parts were talking about. once i figured it out, though, the book really sucked me in. i've been a fan of orson scott card since i read ender's game, so i was really excited to find this in the stack of advance copies. of course, orson didn't let me down! he has this way of drawing the reader in and keeping your attention. he certainly kept mine! i breezed through this one so fast that i was sad when it ended. speaking of the ending, it's kind of a cliff hanger that really makes you anxious for a complete series. regardless, i give it two thumbs up, because i love characters with magical powers!

how's that for a completely non-fertility related post! ;)

Monday, June 20, 2011

Spoiled Rotten

that's what B is - absolutely, positively spoiled rotten. :)

my plan to surprise him had to include a diversion, so i told him he could get the one thing he's been asking for for the past 6 years (besides a baby)...now don't cringe or think i'm crazy, but i told him he could get a hand gun.

luckily, there was a gun show in town this past weekend and we were able to get a great deal on a springfield xdm 40 caliber. he had wanted a glock really, really bad, but they've been on backorder for months and the springfield is pretty much the equivalent. what i didn't count on was that he would want us to have a matching pair, so that i could go to the range with him. you can take the girl outta texas, but you can take gun-toting, lasso-flinging, big-haired, red lipstick wearing texas cowgirl outta me. so, of course i said "heck yeah!" we are now waiting for the mandatory waiting period to go pick up our new weapons of minor destruction.

that was just the beginning. what he didn't know was that i had ordered him an ipad 2! oh, you should have seen his face when he opened it. he was stunned! he's been talking about them for a while and even tried to bid on one online, since he didn't know i had already bought him one. it's a good thing he lost the auction. needless to say, he spent pretty much the rest of the weekend playing with his new gadget. boys and their toys...

of course, i told him that those two gifts would have to also be his un-father's day present and anniversary present for next month. however, he did get one more present, this time not from me. our neighbor and wonderful friend, sarah, made him the most delicious banana pudding that he devoured. seriously, i didn't even get a taste. it was gone in one sitting. the sweetest part about it was the beautiful poem that she had written for him. i loved it so much that i just had to include it in this post:

there are so many little ones you've showered with your love.
we know that one is watching and waiting up above.

you've held so many little ones and kept them safe from harm. 
we know that one is waiting now to come into your arms.

your little one is there and watching all you do.
your bravery and strength are known, your patience and kindness, too.

your laugh, your smile and all your quirks to little one are known.
we hope that soon this little one will come into your home.

with hearts full of hopeful faith, we pray for your little one,
and we can't wait to see in your arms your daughter or your son.

isn't she amazing?!? we were blown away by her kindness and thoughtfulness.

so, you can see how spoiled B is, now...and i'm pretty spoiled to have him in my life.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The 17th Law of Infertility



the 17th law of infertility states that the day an infertile purchases a home pregnancy test is the day that her menstruation will begin.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Spare Time

i've got to say, i am loving doing and thinking about things that are completely unrelated to infertility/fertility treatments. it's been great filling my spare time with fun projects, time at the gym, and with my nose in a book almost constantly.

projects: i went last friday with one of my bestest friends, J, goodwill shopping. (i'm training her in the art of bargain hunting!) we have a few different second-hand stores around here, but we wanted to try out a location we hadn't visited before. i spent under $40 on two chairs, three picture frames, and 5 small vases. (i'll point them all out when i finally get around to finishing the virtual tour of my home.) one of the chairs is a vintage green fabric chair with a great woven print. we already steam-cleaned it with my handy-dandy bissell, but it will probably need another cleaning to get rid of the old lady smell. the other chair is wooden and will be refinished (i'll try to remember to post before and after pics) and used to replace one of the chairs at the table that seems a bit shaky. the frames need painting, too, but at least the vases are all good to go with just a simple wash. why do i keep adding to my to-do list before i even cross anything else off?!? oh, well, i like being busy.

gym: i've been back for a few weeks now and i already feel a difference! i did weights yesterday and i even increased on several of the machines. (i'm way too uncoordinated to work with free weights. someday...) i've also fallen in love with the elliptical. i never realized how many more calories that burns than running! overall, i've been putting in a minimum of an hour each time and i LOVE the endorphin rush i get about mid-way through. feeling good feels so good!

books: i am the queen of stacking way too much on my plate and my reading lists is no different. i'm currently reading the 2nd book in the maze runner series, the scorch trials, as well as a discovery of witches. they're both really, but completely different from each other. most of you know i work for the library (as a graphic designer), but one of the coolest things about my job is that we get advance copies of books to take home and keep. that means that before the book is released to the public, we get a free copy in the hopes that we'll love it and spread the word about it. i have a huge stack of them that i'm anxious to tackle, but the one i'm currently reading is called the night circus. it's already a big hit overseas and summit entertainment (the makers of the twilight movies) has already signed a deal to turn it into a movie. i'm just at the beginning, but i'll try to do a review of it when i'm done.

the good thing about all of this is that it keeps me busy during the week, so the time goes by much faster till B gets home. on the other hand, i really am enjoying my alone time and all that i'm working to accomplish. i hope to have some pics of my projects and continue the tour soon. next will be my kitchen. i just have to give it a thorough cleaning and finish one small project for it before i can take pics. so, pile on the pressure, people, to help motivate me to finish!

Monday, June 13, 2011

B Day!

today is B's birthday. yay! he is the big 3-5.

so, here's what i did this weekend. unfortunately, i had to work a few hours at a charity event saturday evening, so i had to make our plans around that, but it all worked out. we got up early and went and got breakfast then went to an early showing of super 8 on imax. after that, we did some clothes shopping for him (he's one of those rare men who actually enjoys shopping) and stopped for lunch.

i was able to get off work about a half hour early, which was a nice surprise. when i pulled up to the house, i noticed a text from B that said that he missed me and hoped i was having a good time at work. when i came in the door, i gave the excuse that i had to go upstairs to change and go to the restroom, so that i could sneak the last few toiletries into our overnight bags without him knowing, but he complained that i hadn't texted him back. i laughed and told him i'd text him from upstairs.

i rushed around and got everything put together then sent him a text that said "put on your shoes." he responded with "why?" and i replied with "because i want you to take out the garbage." (don't you love that we text each other from inside the same house? ha ha!) when i came downstairs with a couple of bags on my shoulder, he looked really confused and asked what was going on. i told him again to put his shoes on and that i was kidnapping him. he was so excited that it was adorable.

i didn't tell him where we were going until we got there. it wasn't a huge surprise, but it was just right for the amount of time we had. we drove down to winchester, virginia, a historic town that was where george washington grew up and where a few battles of the civil war were fought. i chose it because we both love history (we spend so much time up in gettysburg, pa and mount vernon, va) and it wasn't a far drive, since we only had a night and a day to spend there.

we stayed at aloft, a ritzy, modern hotel. it was absolutely beautiful and i got a smokin' deal on it on priceline (i LOVE that website).

we slept in, ate breakfast at ihop, and spent the rest of the day just walking around downtown old winchester admiring the architecture. it was so relaxing and so much fun to just be together.

on the way home, B said the sweetest thing. he told me that it wouldn't have mattered where i took him (though i chose well), because he knows that i'm not a planner and this is so far from the norm for me that the fact that i planned this out and completely surprised him with it meant the world to him. i love that he's so easy to please. ;)

he flew out early this morning, so we only had a little while on his actual b-day to spend together, so we'll just have to continue the festivities next weekend. the best part is that he knows of one present he's getting (he has to go pick it out on saturday) and he thinks that's his only present. little does he know that i had ordered something for him that he's really wanted for a while and it just came in today. i can't tell you what it is, just in case he reads this, but, boy, is he in for a big surprise next weekend!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

A Random Dream

i had a dream the other night that i can't seem to shake, which is odd, because i rarely remember my dreams.

a few months ago, B's ex-fiance (we were both engaged once before we met each other) friended us on facebook. i've never felt any sort of jealousy, competition, or animosity toward her. i don't know her and have no reason to think ill of her, so i just went with it when he accepted her friend request.

i'm certainly not a cyber-stalker, but i was a little curious to know more about her, since we don't really talk about our exes that often. turns out she got married about the same time we did and went on to have a few kids. maybe seeing that got my subconscious thinking about what would have happened if B had married her, how he would have had the chance to be a father and maybe that's why i had the dream. i don't know, because i never formalized those thoughts in my head.

either way, i dreamed about her. it wasn't an unpleasant dream, just a "where did that come from?!?" kind of dream. in the dream she and i were talking. she was telling me about her family, her children, and asking me about us. she asked if we had any kids and i told her not yet. she asked why and i explained everything to her, all about our miscarriages, our fertility treatments, our longing for children. i wasn't overly dramatic or emotional. i thought i came across as pretty strong, but as i was speaking to her, i could see that familiar look come across her face, the one that says "poor you". she told me how sorry she was for me, for us. she pitied us, it was obvious.

that's where the dream ended. nothing crazy happened - i didn't claw her eyes out or anything like that. i just woke up feeling really down, kind of sad. i'm not really sure what it meant, what my subconscious was trying to tell me. maybe i have this fear that everyone who knows what we're going through feels sorry for us or thinks "glad it's not me". maybe i feel sorry for myself. maybe i subconsciously wish B had married her, since she could give him the one thing he wants most, the one thing i can't.

i try to put on a happy face and act like i radiate positivity. i try to be sincere about it. i try to be stronger than i think i am. i try so hard to be who i think i should be, who i think everyone expects me to be. i try...but sometimes i think i fall short. i exhaust myself.

i'm not depressed, so don't start worrying about me. i'm just tired. the past several months have been such an emotional roller coaster and i just need a break. this off cycle, waiting to meet with the doctor, is actually a really good idea for me. i need to recuperate and think about things that have absolutely nothing to do with infertility.
me and B: LOVE

i'm so excited for B to come home tomorrow. monday is his birthday, which we won't get to spend together, so we're going to celebrate all weekend. i have a surprise in store for him this weekend (and another that will be a little bit late for his b-day), but i'm afraid to tell you about it, because occasionally he reads my blog. so, i'll just have to blog about it on monday. in the meantime, i'm going to get some chores done, so he doesn't come home to a filthy house.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Yup, I'm Crazy





everyone says that infertility makes you crazy. why else would we spend thousands of dollars on HPTs that we know will be negative? how else can you explain our obsession with thermometers? however, i must be the exception to this rule. that's not because i'm not crazy. no, it's because i've always been crazy. it's true! i'm a little on the loca side. here's proof:

  • i am completely anal about things being symmetrical, balanced or straight (no crooked pictures hanging in my house!), but i am a complete slob. my bedroom currently looks like a tornado ripped through it.
  • my impulsiveness is insane. i once chopped my hair off on a whim. when i say chopped off, i mean gone, almost all of it. think julia roberts as tinkerbell in hook. bad, bad idea.
  • i talk to my cats as if they could talk back. i'm not a crazy cat lady...i don't think, but i can't seem to stop myself!
  • i hate feet. correction: i loathe feet. i really dislike my own (absolutely refuse to ever get a pedicure), but i cannot stand to be touched by other people's feet. one of my little sisters used to torment me by putting her sasquatch feet on me when we were sitting on the couch watching TV.
  • occasionally i try weird tricks for my hair and skin. i once made a hair mask out of olive oil, egg whites, and a few other interesting ingredients. it was messy and, well, a big flop. my latest find is using preparation H for my under-eyes to reduce puffiness. oddly enough, it actually works!
  • when i find a movie i really like, i watch it over and over again until i burn out on it. lately i've been watching the young victoria, still haven't burned out yet.
  • i hate crowds of people. when i'm stuck in a large group (ie. the subway in NYC), i tend to have panic attacks. i could never live in a big city.
  • i am the queen of starting projects and never finishing them. i have such a backlog of them that i don't know that i'll ever get to check them all off.
  • i like frozen french fries, emphasis on frozen. sometimes i'll put them in the oven, but if i just want a quick snack, i grab the bag from the freezer and crunch away.
  • i am abnormally forgetful. it is not an uncommon occurrence for me to walk into a room and not remember why i went in there in the first place.
so, you can see that my lack of brain cells and quirks have pushed me past the point of sanity and into the realm of the crazies. infertility or no infertility, i'm crazy.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Parenting Game: Round 6

since there's really nothing to report, i think now is a perfect time to play the parenting game again! i've got a really funny one this time. ;)

for those of you who have never played, here's how it goes: i'll show you a pic of a really, um...interesting parent then you leave a comment telling us why you would be a better parent without stating the obvious. the more ridiculous, the better and, of course, sarcasm is encouraged.



i'd be a better parent, because i'd get my kid a matching outfit. 
i'd hate for him to feel awkward.

your turn!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

What Next?

yesterday morning i went in for my last blood draw for a while. my hcg level is less than 5 now, right where it's supposed to be, so it's all done.

but, where do we go from here? i know that most doctors recommend waiting at least one full cycle afterward before TTC or, in our case, do another procedure, but i hate waiting!

when the nurse called with the hcg results, i asked her where we go from here. she looked over my chart and said that dr. T wants to meet with us before we move forward. to be honest, that scares me. what if she wants to do more testing before doing another treatment? what if she tells me that there's something wrong with me, like that embryos can't implant in my uterus and i can never carry a child? what if, what if, what if... i'm trying to be rational and tell myself that this is standard procedure after a miscarriage, just to check on us to see how we're doing physically, psychologically, emotionally. B thinks maybe she'll tell us she wants to skip the 3rd and final IUI and jump right into the 1st IVF cycle. i really hope he's right.

unfortunately, the soonest she could get us in (well, just me, i guess since B won't be able to fly in in time) isn't till the 24th. that should be at the end of this cycle, which could put us right on track for the next treatment. so, that could be good, at least.

i'm just feeling a little scared right now, because i have no idea what she's going to want to do...and it doesn't help that i have to wait 22 whole days!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Hero Humpday...FINALLY!!!


 i'm finally back on track and this week's humpday hero is one of my favorite bloggers. since the readers of TSDZ nominated her, that means they have fabulous taste. ;)


so, without further ado, say hi to josey from my cheap version of therapy...






Bio:
 
My husband and I are both 29 years old and live in a tiny town in southwest Colorado (tiny = less than 1,000 people). We both love the outdoors and do lots of rafting, hiking, golfing, and snowboarding whenever possible. :) We started TTC on our 1 yr wedding anniversary in July 2009, and after nearly 2 years, countless 6 hour drives to the RE in Denver, and an injectible IUI cycle, we find ourselves on the next scary journey in life! Our little "Rock Star" is due to arrive just before Christmas, and we pray daily for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and life for this little one. I swear too much, I travel whenever possible, and I absolutely love my blog friends!
 
10 Unique Things About Me:
1. My family calls me "The Queen of Everything." It started b/c of a shirt I wore a child (I still have it!), and it just stuck.
2. I'm very Type A - I plan everything...but I don't think I want to find out the gender of the Rock Star before hearing the midwife say "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" It kind of gives me heart palpitations to think of all the planning I couldn't get done pre-birth though if we don't find out, so we shall see.
3. I love cheese. And beer. But not necessarily in that order. It pains me that I'm a Minnesotan by birth who happens to like items that are distinctly Wisconsinish.
4. I just bought $100 of new clothes at Spo.rts Auth.ority (all pink & black!) and justified it because I've easily saved double that by not buying alcohol since getting pregnant.
5. I'm the oldest of 5 kids and LOVED having tons of siblings growing up...but thanks to our TTC issues, we're now thinking 1-2 kiddos max. Expensive!
6. I'm fluent in French...or at least I used to be, and I'm dying to get back over there asap. I'd actually love a trip there next spring. *fingers crossed*
7. I was a pretty shitty girlfriend to my now husband, but we talked through our troubles and have a strong marriage now. Screw the people who say people can't change.
8. I wasn't allowed to even say words like "retarded" or "fart" while growing up, and now I slip up and use the f* word in front of my Mom. It still kind of creeps me out and makes me stammer apologies when that happens. Sorry, Mom.
9. I was an Int'l Business double major in college and now I'm waitressing/bartending. I think at this point I'm hoping I can be a SAHM for a few years and then go back and find a job more along my original career path goals. This is also a reason we've contemplated moving to the Phoenix area - I pretty much need to be in a city for my desired career.
10. I miss my siblings every.single.day. Living so far from my family is the single hardest thing about settling down 1,000 miles from "home." It's also the single biggest reason I hope to win the lottery someday. If travel back and forth weren't a concern, it'd be so much easier!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Message for the Readers:
Don't give up, but don't put your life on hold for TTC either. I know it sounds clic, but it's so true. In the meantime, enjoy your drinks, your freedom to go places without calling/paying for a babysitter, and the love of the family and friends you have surrounding you. That's what gets you through life whether you have kids or not!
 
 
congrats, josey!
now, my faithful friends, i need your nominations for future humpday heroes! email me the name and blog of the inspiring blogger(s) you'd like to see featured as a humpday hero at storkdropzone at gmail dot com.
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