Tuesday, April 17, 2012

It Is What It Is

as most of you know, B has been working up in rhode island since march of 2011. it hasn't been ideal...in fact, it sucks the big one.

he's had to miss almost everything over the last year. he even missed the ultrasound where we found out mack's gender. (i had a whole thing set up to announce it that was just waiting for him when he got home later that day, so we made the best of it.) he missed mack laughing for the first time. he missed mack scooting for the first time. he's missed so many cuddles, smiles, and kisses goodnight.

i've tried to be positive about it all and i'm truly grateful that he has a job, especially one that he enjoys and that pays well enough for me to be able to stay home with mack, but it's been tough...for both of us. he hates that he only gets to see his son on the weekends and that he's missed most of his first 3 months. he hates having to say goodbye to us at the end of every weekend and that most days he only gets to see us via webcam and photos. he hates that he doesn't get to read mack bedtime stories or hold me in his arms as we fall asleep. he hates that he can't be with us every day.

i hate it, too.

this was supposed to be a really fast project. he was supposed to be home by christmas, in plenty of time for mack's arrival, but it got delayed. then he was supposed to be home in march, but it got delayed. then he was supposed to be home in may. guess what. it's delayed again. the latest timeline shows that at the earliest he'll be home in july, but most likely not until august. yup, august. a year and a half living apart. a year and a half of picking him up from the airport (an hour drive) friday afternoons and getting up at 4am on monday mornings to drive him all the way back to get back on a plane to return to a challenging job and a tiny house that he can't call home.

i've been really good at reminding myself that it could be worse, that he could be fighting a war in some undisclosed location where we wouldn't even have weekends together, but i'm tired of putting on a brave face. so, for one brief moment, i'm going to let myself be upset. i'm going to let myself cry. i'm going to get it all out of my system...then i'm going to put that brave face back on and i'm going to smile. i'm going to tell my husband how much i appreciate his sacrifice to provide for us. i'm going to support him.

friends, will you do me a favor? hug & kiss your husband/significant other. tell him how much you love him. tell him how much you appreciate him. show him how important he is to you. be grateful that he will be by your side as you lay in bed tonight.

16 comments:

Kayla and Josh said...

way to make me tear up at work! lol i'm so sorry it's been delayed even later. that is NO fun at all. but remember "distance makes the herat grow fonder" i actually love that because the first time josh and i were apart, i came back and he was like a changed man! he picked up after himself ON HIS OWN! hahaha but i'm still sorry the weekends are so short, but way to be positive about it! :)

Bridget said...

I'm so sorry the three of you are going through this, I can't even imagine. You are both very strong and doing what you have to to provide for Mack. I hope the project gets done in July and that the months go by quickly for you.

J.o.s.e.y said...

Ugh, sounds like you deserve a day to feel sorry for yourself. It's so hard to be apart for extended periods like that! Charlie was working on the oil rigs in ND last winter right during our RE/IUI time, and it sucked that he'd be gone 16 days / home 12 / gone 16 / home 12. Just hard to be apart.

Hopefully there will be no more delays and he'll be able to be a hands on dad (and husband!) much more soon!

E and R said...

I am so sorry that his work has been delayed again. I know how hard it is to have your husband be gone - mine served in Afghanistan for 9 months right after we got marryied (we had 3 days notice that he was going) not hearing from him for weeks was ROUGH and I cried every night worrying about whether I was going to be a widow before I really got to be a wife. Once Alexis was born R had a job that required him to be gone about every other week, and while it wasn't as bad (and not as bad as what you are going through) it still sucked because he missed so much of her growing and doing new things. Thankfully he is in a new job that doesn't require the travel.
All this to say, I understand how hard it is. It is definitely OK to let yourself cry and be upset about the situation. Thinking of you!

myjourneythruinfertility said...

you are right . . . sucks the big one! I am just glad you are allowing yourself to feel the frustration and sadness that comes with the situation. It is great to have a positive attitude about it all just remember you are allowed to feel what you feel and grieve the moments you are missing. I am hear with an ear and a hug when you need it!!

It is great to see a pic of B and put a face to a name!

Heather @ A Little Hope in My Pocket said...

Uggghhh. I'm sorry for another delay. You have every right to cry and be upset about it. Prayers that these next few months go FAST and you can all be together again.

SHILLIG4FAMILY said...

:(
cute pic of them!

Sarah said...

Aww I can only imagine how hard this is for all of you :( It's almost living the military lifestyle with the husband/wife gone a lot. I feel for ya. Hang in there girl! August will be here before you know it...xo

DRMama said...

You got me all teary eyed! :( I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to say goodbye at the end of each weekend and for your husband to be away from so much of what is happening during such a big year for your family. You definitely deserve some time without the brave face!! *hugs*

Just Us & A Miracle Baby too! said...

I'm so sorry :( You deserve your time to have a good cry and be upset. It's definitely not ideal!! My DH is in the military but is home right now, it takes a strong mom to be a a single parent all week.

DandelionBreeze... aka NYMum said...

So sorry that you guys are going through this and that it's going longer... thinking of you and hoping there are no more delays. Thank you for reminding us to cherish those hugs... love the photo of them together :) xo

Gen said...

Wow, I didn't realize how long you have been apart. It's not easy, I know from experience. I've gone to bed alone for nearly 16 years. It can make or break a relationship.

Stay strong as you can but cry to us :)

And what a cute photo!! <3

Sheryl said...

Uuuuggggg. This totally stinks that it keeps getting delayed. Here's hoping August is the last delay. I. is in Boston for the week so I get a tiny glimpse of what you're going through (I know it's not much to compare at. all. to what you've been going through). I think you need a vacation together when he is finally done with this. You should go to AZ and leave Mack with some friends that are dying to hold him ;) You have always had a really good brave face, but it's okay to get mad and throw a fit sometimes too!! (((hugs)))

Rebecca said...

That just really sucks so much. It is what it is, but what it is is a bunch of suckiness.

Maria said...

i have tears streaming down my face. the photo was enough to make me teary eyed, and then, you beautiful and raw words. you are SO strong. so brave. and so real. i really admire that.
i can't begin to imagine.
you're one amazing wife and mama and one tough cookie...awesome combination.
i've been saying "it is what it is" a lot lately. you're absolutely right...you have to sometimes. it's good to cry, get angry, let it all out and have a good cleansing however long you need to.
you all will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, pretty lady!
xoxox
maria

katery said...

i totally understand how you feel. my husband travels for work a LOT and it's really hard, it sounds like there might be and end in sight for you though, i hope that deadline works out for you this time.
iclw

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