Friday, June 22, 2012

Desperately Seeking Carlia

i have to admit that sometimes i kind of seek validation through blogging. i know that ideally i shouldn't look for that outside of myself, is what it is.

i have this need for approval, this desire to be liked by everyone. i am a "yes" person, never able to tell someone i don't actually want to spend days working on a project for them or that i don't want to babysit for them or that i don't have time to help them pick out the perfect gift for their mother-in-law. it's as if i fear that saying no will make them not like me anymore.

B thinks i'm a doormat for other people, because of this. he might be right.

at the same time, i love feeling needed. i love that my friends want to hang out with me, that they think my talents are worth borrowing, that my opinion matters to them.

knowing this about myself got me life just one big continuous popularity contest?

i'm the first to admit that i wasn't prom queen/head cheerleader/student body president/most popular girl in school. but, i wasn't exactly a social pariah, either. i was that quirky, artsy, smart girl that never seemed to completely fit into any one particular clique. i roamed from group to group, like a chameleon, molding myself to fit in with whomever i was hanging out with at the moment. i dabbled in various social circles as if they were the flavor of the week.

looking back at the high school version of myself has made me realize that history is repeating itself. i've come completely full circle. i am back to that rogue state where i don't fit into only one category, where i have no niche, where i do not fit into one blogging group exclusively.

if you wander into my blogging past, you'll see my posts were about infertility almost entirely. these days, not so much. why is this, you ask? my life is about a lot more than my struggle and my blog to reflects that.

i don't want to live by one label alone, when i know that i am so much more than that. yes, i am infertile, but i'm also crafty, artistic, a wife, a mother, a person with an opinion, a photographer, a graphic designer, a writer, a woman of many interests.

is that bad, though? am i shooting myself in the foot by not sticking to one blog topic? or am i trying too hard to make everyone like me...and my blog?

sometimes i still feel like that odd-man-out from high school. i want so desperately to belong, to fit in with the others, but i can't seem to conform enough to do so. i can't seem to compartmentalize myself like that.

i read a lot of blogs about a lot of things, most of them are topic-specific, which my blog most certainly is not...which begs the question: do you prefer a blog that is multifaceted or consistent with one topic?

all in all, i do love knowing that people read my blog. i love to look over at my GFC and see that someone new likes my blog enough to click that "join" button. i love to hear from my readers and to feel like people who aren't at all obligated to care about me or what i have to say do anyway. i think the recent growth of this blog has really boosted my self-esteem and helped me to feel for once in my life...well, popular.

and it totally made my week to receive an award for being an editor's pick by! *grinning from ear to ear*

Our Editor's Pick! Come visit our shopping blog! Pocket Change
Pocket Change


Sierra Catherine said...

I am glad your blog makes you feel better about yourself. Your self-esteem is important to how you blog and what you blog about. Your blog is your representation of you, your opinions, and your life on the internet. If you love yourself, your blog will be full of love and amazing content. Kudos

Jen said...

I am really enjoying your blog right now. I might have found you through my experience with IF, but what I found is a blogger that I have a ton more in common with that just that. What you are doing with your blog right now is something I can only dream of at the moment. I have always wanted to find a way to turn my artsy/crafty/designiness into self-employment, so I really admire the steps you have taken with this blog. I'm also eating up all your photo tips since I got a new DSLR for my birthday that I have yet to fully explore. Not to mention that the design of your blog is making me wish I had held on to the small amount of web design skills I had before I went into interiors. So I say, keep it up! And, if you are looking for inspiration on other blogs with multiple slants, I really enjoy Young House Love, which is largely about their DIY projects, but also touches a lot on their life with their two year old daughter.

Shannon said...

I've only recently started following you, but I find your variety very refreshing.

And it's good to versatile. You're accepted at every lunch table in the cafeteria. :)

Brittany said...

I think I know what you mean. I'm a sort-of yes-sayer, particularly if someone's opinion of me hangs in the balance (or if I perceive as much). It's so easy to seek approval from others; it means they like what you do! I'll be the first to admit that "positive responses" (whether by comments, emails, hits, or what have you) to blog posts will usually guarantee that I'll do something like that again. Most of the time, though, I try to make my blog "me". I don't fit into a neat box either, why should my blog? Great post.

Deborah said...

I love reading your blog because it isn't just about one topic!! We love ya lady because you are you. Don't feel obligated to help me recover my ottomans. I will only like you slightly less!!

Maria said...

I love your blog and its versatility...I loved it when you focused on infertility and I love it when you focus on a range of things you love. I think that's what's so great about blogging...documenting...and being able to look back and see all the changes/new roads we've taken in our journies.
I can relate to what you said about never saying no. Last year, I made myself a promise to learn to say no more often. I admit, I love to say yes. I love helping others...but it feels good to say no sometimes and realize that's it isn't being selfish.
In high school, I was like you in that I wasn't "Miss Popular" but I had such a range of friends. And I think that's still how I am. It's a blessing to have people in your life who all relate to you in such different and similar ways.
I think you're a wonderful, creative, honest, faithful, real, beautiful person inside and out, Carlia. And I'm so thankful to know you!

Fiona aka DRMama said...

I absolutely love your blog and I think the thing I love the most is how you cover so many different topics... all which interest me but maybe some that I wouldn't read a blog solely about those things... for example, I don't have a fancy camera so I never look up blogs about photography but I love all of your simple tips you post from time to time. I also LOVE hearing about your little guy and seeing his photos. Then I love all of your DIY, craft ideas which inspire me to do more of the same. Then I love all the other mixed posts inbetween. I love the whole shabang!! Please keep it going in the same direction! I really don't think blogs need to cover one category... because none of us are just one thing. We all have so many different interests, hobbies and things going on in our lives and I love to read about all of those! :) I can see exactly why you and your blog have become so popular now. You are such a kind hearted person and we are lucky to have you in the bloggy world!

mare ball said...

Writing in general is putting your heart out there, hoping people like /approve/admire your work. I've been writing for 20 years, and have been all over the map, as far as trying to appeal to all genres. In the end, you write what is true for you, you write from your heart. You can't sustain writing for others anyway. Readers will come and go, but you will be the author of your stuff needs to please YOU. I think you have a great blog, and recently became a follower. :-)

Kim Matheson said...

Like the commenters before me, I'm pretty smitten with your blog. You make me smile - I follow you on bloglovin'. :)

I like multifaceted. I blog in a multifaceted way, and I read in a multifaceted way. I have a great deal of respect for people who have food, fashion or craft blogs (strictly). I think they're neat. But...I don't love to cook, I know virtually nothing about fashion (and can't bring myself to get too involved in learning more) and I really just am terrible at crafting, no matter how hard I try.

Long story short: write you. You're a pretty special lady and you've lived a pretty fascinating life so far and have nothing but great adventures before you. Write that. Write about string cheese, how "teacup poodle" is just a really weird title for a breed of dog, your struggles with infertility and how they've helped to shape you, or how much you just LOVE Spam (or, y'know, hate it...'cause it's gross). Either way? I'm going to continue to read it! :)

(I'm a "yes" person/doormat, too. It makes me crazy on one hand, and on the other I really just love to help people be happy. Six of one, half a doz, I suppose. But I'm right there with you. ;) )

Sarah said...

I'm down with reading blogs about any topic, as long as it's interesting (and with a lil humor and sarcasm thrown in from time to time) :) And you are all those things m'friend. Interesting, funny, sarcastic. So I'll still be here reading whether you are writing about baby makin or what kind of toilet paper you prefer...:)


Jake has taught me saying no is ok.
Love variety.
love you.

St Elsewhere said...

I think we all have a set of aspirations for our mirrors, or simply as our mouthpieces into the www.

I am glad your blog brings you happiness.

Amanda said...

I just found your blog through ICLW. Like you, I seek validation through external sources. I never thought about using my blog in that fashion. I guess, because if I don't get the readership or comments, it will be a quick blow to my self-esteem. After a quick perusal, I love your blog! I am not creative in the slightest - so I love the look and feel of yours!

Her Royal Fabulousness said...

Here from ICLW. I love the look of your blog and your writing style. My blog also has its core in infertility and now life after, but I love writing about WHATEVER. Music, life, humor, etc. I'm glad I found you and look forward to future posts.

J o s e y said...

I love the eclectic content on your blog! I agree with Fiona - it's nice b/c I don't follow straight DIY blogs or whatever, but it's fun to see a few posts here and there about all sorts of different topics.

SLESE1014 said...

I've been following you for a long time now...we went through our journey to motherhood together. I love your blog and everything about it. From the style of the blog itself to the style of your writing to all of your projects and photo tips. It's nice to see IF brought us together but a type of friendship has developed to last through IF and motherhood.

Thank you for posting this. I too look for validation and a good ol' self esteem booster in my blogging. You most definitely aren't alone there. I blog on more than just IF, mostly how my life has changed and the drama that ensues in my life. I can jump from topic to topic in one post let alone across some posts.

You are a fabulous blogger and I love following you. I hope you found lots of "guest" writers for your vacation posting....if I was a decent writer I would volunteer, but honestly, I'm too much of a rambler....see this comment for reference!

Thank you for being the wonderfully unique and versatile blogger you are!

Miss Mac said...

Have been a follower and a virtual admirer for a long time, appreciate all that you do here!

Ashley at flats to flip flops said...

Girl! I think this is true for every blogger! I went thru a patch where I was worried about changing my blog a bit...but I came to realize that it's MY blog and what makes me happy and feel fulfilled is best..because your readers can tell if you are the authentic you! So be you because it is CARLIA that we love!

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