i have this need for approval, this desire to be liked by everyone. i am a "yes" person, never able to tell someone i don't actually want to spend days working on a project for them or that i don't want to babysit for them or that i don't have time to help them pick out the perfect gift for their mother-in-law. it's as if i fear that saying no will make them not like me anymore.
B thinks i'm a doormat for other people, because of this. he might be right.
at the same time, i love feeling needed. i love that my friends want to hang out with me, that they think my talents are worth borrowing, that my opinion matters to them.
knowing this about myself got me thinking...is life just one big continuous popularity contest?
i'm the first to admit that i wasn't prom queen/head cheerleader/student body president/most popular girl in school. but, i wasn't exactly a social pariah, either. i was that quirky, artsy, smart girl that never seemed to completely fit into any one particular clique. i roamed from group to group, like a chameleon, molding myself to fit in with whomever i was hanging out with at the moment. i dabbled in various social circles as if they were the flavor of the week.
looking back at the high school version of myself has made me realize that history is repeating itself. i've come completely full circle. i am back to that rogue state where i don't fit into only one category, where i have no niche, where i do not fit into one blogging group exclusively.
if you wander into my blogging past, you'll see my posts were about infertility almost entirely. these days, not so much. why is this, you ask? my life is about a lot more than my struggle and my blog to reflects that.
i don't want to live by one label alone, when i know that i am so much more than that. yes, i am infertile, but i'm also crafty, artistic, a wife, a mother, a person with an opinion, a photographer, a graphic designer, a writer, a woman of many interests.
is that bad, though? am i shooting myself in the foot by not sticking to one blog topic? or am i trying too hard to make everyone like me...and my blog?
sometimes i still feel like that odd-man-out from high school. i want so desperately to belong, to fit in with the others, but i can't seem to conform enough to do so. i can't seem to compartmentalize myself like that.
i read a lot of blogs about a lot of things, most of them are topic-specific, which my blog most certainly is not...which begs the question: do you prefer a blog that is multifaceted or consistent with one topic?
all in all, i do love knowing that people read my blog. i love to look over at my GFC and see that someone new likes my blog enough to click that "join" button. i love to hear from my readers and to feel like people who aren't at all obligated to care about me or what i have to say do anyway. i think the recent growth of this blog has really boosted my self-esteem and helped me to feel for once in my life...well, popular.
and it totally made my week to receive an award for being an editor's pick by become.com! *grinning from ear to ear*
Our Editor's Pick! Come visit our shopping blog! Pocket Change