Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Facebook Fumbles

you know they're on your news feed on facebook, those annoying, often inappropriate "friends" who have a real knack for putting their feet in their mouths. or perhaps you are one of them? ("aha" moment, anyone?) either way, someone's gotta say it...

facebook rules to live by

complete with a facebook fumble rating of 1 to 10 (see scale below)
1: whaaaa?
2: growing up clearly wasn't on your to-do list
3: annoying doesn't even begin to describe it
4: why did i friend you, again?
5: full blown weirdie
6: you need help...the professional kind
7: you disgust me
8: train wreck - i just can't look away
9: unfriend
10: block user

profile pics should be of the facebook account holder, not their favorite cartoon.
ever browse through the names of people you think you might know, not sure if you'll recognize them after all these years, only to be thwarted by a pic of smurfette or one of the thunder cats? i give this a 2.
posting pics of your child's diaper or your child (or anyone, for that matter) sitting on a toilet should be banned.
no one needs that kind of blackmail material lying around. remember who chooses your retirement home later in life. i give this a 5.

the play-by-play of your day should be written in your journal, not posted on facebook.
honestly, no one cares that you spent your morning at walmart, followed by lunch with the ya-ya sisterhood, then cuddle time with your cats (all 23 of them) while watching american idol. you clearly don't have enough to do, especially if taking the time to write all about it on facebook. i give this one a 4.

spoiler alerts must be given when talking about TV shows or movies.
i tivo everything so that i can watch it later without the annoying commercials. this means it might be a few days before i get to it, and with a new baby, it's pretty much a certainty that i won't see any movie until it hits redbox. so, please, for the love of bruce almighty, keep your trap shut about the endings! i give this one a 3.

we are now implementing a complaint maximum. all users are limited to 1 complaint per quarter (4 per year). please use them wisely.
when you complain about the price of gas, the fact that all the good ones are taken, how badly you hate your job, how you wish your mother would stop trying to control your life, or why life is so unfair, even your cats (remember your 23 cats?) won't like you after a while, let alone the entire facebook community. attitudes are contagious and no one wants to catch one like that. i give this a 6.

don't wear your political agenda on your wall.
right wing, left wing, independent, not planning on're entitled to it, but don't push it on your facebook friends. that's a topic better discussed with like-minded individuals in person...unless you were wanting to start a fight debate. i give this one a 4.

pictures from the delivery room are acceptable; pictures of the actual birth, however, are not.
nobody wants to see your gooey baby crowning, let alone mama's vajayjay. 'nough said. i give this one a 7.

save the drama for your mama.
using your status update as a public forum to bash your baby daddy, insult your mother, vent about your ex, or slander your bff is just plain wrong. this is public, people! didn't thumper (from bambi) teach you anything when he said "my mama told me 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.'?" i give this an 8.

farmville is not for everyone.
if you want to play games, and have the time to do so, that's fine, but posting that you need nails & a bushel of apples every 10 seconds is just plain obnoxious. when those prompts to "share" come up, you do have the option to skip. please be courteous enough to do so. i give this a 3.

facebook is not craigslist.
if you would like to sell real estate, get an agent. if you want to sell your hand-me-down clothes, have a yard sale. if you want to sell your old green '81 grand marquis that you lovingly dubbed "the green booger", list it in the paper. facebook is not the place to repeatedly list your junk with your cell phone number attached to the post. you're just asking for a stalker...and an "unfriend" from me. (can you tell that i've had to deal with this one a lot lately?) for most of you, i give this a 3, but i'm so irritated by this one at the moment that, for myself, i'm giving it a 9.

rereading before clicking "post" is a must.
it's not just about the spelling errors, or the misuse of the words "their", "they're", & "there", it's also the grammar, the punctuation, and the fact that facebooking after one too many drinks or too few hours of sleep can seriously impact your ability to make sense...although that can be just plain entertaining to the rest of us. i give this one a 1.

rant over.

what would you add to the list? and what would you consider a 10?


Andrea said...

LOVING this!!

Kayla and Joshua said...

oh my gosh i totally agree! i think it's so awkward when people sell things on facebook..hahaha the cartoon image is funny too! i never understand that! thanks for giving me a good laugh!

Bridget said...

I have a fb friend whose constant vague status updates beg people to ask her what's wrong. Annoying.

Stephanie said...

Haha, good point about who chooses your retirement home, I'll have to remember that one!! Really?? Have you seen inappropriate birth pictures on FB? Come on people, have some sense. These are all great and I love your ratings on them! :)

Erin Reissig said...

This is hilarious! I love it! My biggest pet peeve is the daily journal and posting daily pictures of your child... Esp when it says "baby Joe Bob, 42 weeks old and loving his third bath of the day!" REALLY?!! Your child is 9 months old, almost 10 months if you want to be more accurate, and why does a baby need more than 1 daily bath?!

Shannon said...

Hahahahah, yes yes yes!!

I couldn't agree more.

However, I just blogged a picture of my baby sleeping in her crib with a bit of a poo stain on her lower back. Am I at fault!!? Uh oh!


Ashley at flats to flip flops said...

Ha Ha! But I might be guilty of some spelling errors...ahhhhh!
Like just now I had to retype my name like 5 times to get it right!

Nate and Lori said...

This is hilarious!!!!

Fiona aka DRMama said...

haha this is so funny. I definitely think loads of these things as I scroll through my newsfeed each day. The people who right vague statuses wanting people to ask questions and give sympathy are the worst!! I hope I am not one of these people!! :/

E and R said...

Love this! My current pet peeve is all the politically minded posts - I have a 'friend' who posts 50 pictures/articles a day related to the political party of her choice...I finally blocked all of her posts because I am so over it!

Sarah said...

hahahahahha " for the love of Bruce Almighty"

Shasta Farrar said...

I loved reading this funny and so true :) I'm a new follower (#200...congrats!)

Maria said...

omygoodness, i love this post. it has me laughing and smirking. i agree with everything you said!! ahhh, i can't stand when people post their day literally play by play. i'm talking 20 status updates a friend and i are friends with a girl we went to hs with on fb. she does this every single day. and it's sad, bc it is almost like entertainment to us. i can't stand when people are super duper negative or the "i'm sad." or ":***(" statuses. they are begging for people to ask what's the matter.
you hit a bunch of great points!!
and congratulations on 200+followers!
maria <3

Jennifer M. said...

A "10" for me would be using the FB In-Box for sending me "You're entirely wrong about your religion and here's why you should convert to mine" emails. Um seriously?? I don't mind the occasional religious debate but invading my in-box to attack my beliefs is totally uncalled for and WILL result in my blocking said user.

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