Friday, November 20, 2015

Here and Now

where did i go, you ask? i took a much needed break to process life, move past difficult chapters, and put a lot of hard work into my future.

my family is doing amazingly! we've had even more crazy ups and downs this year, like life-changing crazy, that included building our dream home, almost losing B to heart failure, B's miraculous recovery (you know all about this if you follow me on instagram), an incredible start to the relocation of my photography business from maryland to utah, and, now, the launch of my new blog! it's a lot, i know.

about the new blog...i decided to partner up with my best friend and we are SO stoked about this! we just launch Mommy See, Mommy Do earlier this week. it's a lifestyle blog with all sorts of DIY projects, craft tutorials, product reviews, styling tips and tricks, and delicious recipes, as well as how-to's for workouts to help you burn off the aftermath of said delicious recipes.

from here on out, you can continue to follow me and my crazy life on instagram (@clevercarlia), but please head over to the new blog to show me some love, since it's going to be my new permanent home. (i'm so done with moving!)

much love to you all!!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Hellos & Goodbyes

wow. there's so much to catch you all up on that i really don't know where to begin.

first off, yes. i am still alive. :) secondly...oh, i'll just break it all down for ya.

goodbye, dad: we said goodbye to B's dad in november. saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy, but we feel such peace knowing that he and B's mom have been reunited and are free of the physical limitations and pain they suffered here on earth. they were laid to rest side by side on the western facing slope of a beautiful mountain, overlooking the salt lake valley.

hello, rocky: we welcomed our beautiful son, rocky, into this world on february 9th. he weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 6oz and was 21.5" long. mack absolutely adores him and is eager to help soothe him and play with him. i can't wait till they're big enough to run around together! (my birth story is a bit long, so i'll share that in another post.)

goodbye, maryland: while we were still in the hospital (only 2 days after giving birth), B received a job offer in utah!!! it was such an answer to prayers, that at only 2 weeks postpartum, we said a fond farewell to maryland and all our friends there, packed up all our belongings and our two precious boys, and drove across the country. it was quite the ordeal, but worth every bit of it.

hello, utah: we're home!!! we've finally settled in here, in a home that we are renting for a year. we're trying to decide if we want to buy a fixer-upper or build a new house next year. we love being near family and away from the horrible humidity of maryland.

goodbye, infertility: i don't know if goodbye is appropriate, as i am now the very definition of "infertile", but i'm saying goodbye to the pain and stress, heartache and tears that go along with it. due to complications from my delivery, which i'll get into in depth in my birth story, i am now completely unable to carry another child. the hardest thing to say goodbye to is the hope of more children, but i have faith that this is all part of a higher plan, that my family is now complete, and that i will be a better person for having experienced it all.

i am so incredibly grateful for the ups and downs we've experienced, especially recently, because they've shaped me into the woman i now am and have led me down a path that has brought me so much joy that words cannot begin to describe it.

also, a very genuine thank you goes out to you, my friends in the blogosphere. your support and kind words have buoyed me up more times than i can count. you've helped me find my voice and shown me that what i have to say really does matter. you've all helped me more than you know, just by reading my words. every post view is like a hug and you have no idea how much i need a hug most days. :) so, thank you!

now, i leave you with an adorable picture... introducing rocky!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Family Update

this year has been rough for both sides of our family, first with the loss of my dad, followed by the loss of B's mom then the discovery of the brain tumor in B's dad. there have been many tears shed and many prayers sent up. i wish i could just snap my fingers, bob my head, or wiggle my nose and make it all better, but what will be will be.

further testing has shown that B's dad has not 1, but 12 brain tumors, each malignant and each inoperable. i just can't believe it.

the doctor has pushed him to take on the radiation and chemo treatments to battle them, but his rapid deterioration has the family convinced that he will not be recovering from this one. they did start the treatments, however, completing 2 radiation treatments and 1 round of chemo, but have since halted all further treatments.

he isn't himself anymore. usually sharp as a tack and healthy as a horse, he now forgets what he's saying mid-sentence and cannot walk without assistance. he is so weak that he is unable to care for himself, so he is living with B's sister and her family, but the rest of the family nearby comes in to help where they can.

if i'm being completely honest, i think he is just ready to go and his body is responding to his will. this is a man who underwent multiple rounds of chemo and radiation for over a year while caring for his invalid wife. i am convinced that if he wanted to hang on, he could, but he's tired and he's lonely. he tired of fighting this illness and he wants nothing more than to be reunited with his sweetheart who passed away barely a month before their 50th wedding anniversary.

the family seems to be at peace with this outcome, B especially. he just doesn't want his father to suffer anymore.

hospice started coming in today. all we can do now is hope that his last days are comfortable and peaceful.
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